 |
We are very social
beings, and when we don’t feel supported, we feel lonely and this fuels
depression and stress.
As a first step to
happiness, it makes sense to know how you stand in terms of support. This is
why it is one of the very first things I tend to suggest in sessions.
Now, the support
system map is dead simple to set up. You sit down with a sheet of paper and ask
yourself, “Who makes me happy? Who can I call, visit, or see when I need
support, advice or just a giggle?”
Some clients resist
this exercise, saying, “I know who I can go to, and don’t need to write it
down” but when they start, they inevitably discover it is incredibly useful
because it highlights support strengths you may have overlooked and identifies
areas you need to beef up.
This is one of the
fundamental principles of therapy: just applying structure to the chaos can be
enlightening.
Blog posts work best
with examples, so I’m going to share my support system map.
Do note I work very
hard on my connectivity because I work from home, and I live very far away from
my family in a culture that I wasn’t born into. That’s a triple whammy (my
choice!) and I love my life but I’m aware I need to be super careful.
So, here’s what I have
People I can say
anything to at any time, and call in the middle of the night in an emergency
Tom, my husband
Ian, my brother
My mum
Plus four friends I’ve
had for over twenty years, and two close friends I’ve had ten years
Friends I have a
‘mutual moan’ pact with whom I can Skype or Message anytime without an
appointment
Two
Author friends I have
a ‘mutual moan’ pact with whom I can Skype or Message
Seven
Therapy friends I have
a ‘mutual moan’ pact with whom I can Skype or Message
Problem area: up until
six months ago I had two but they left Malaysia. Needs beefing up.
People I’d trust 100%
to give me solid advice and counsel on either love or career
Seven friends
Friends in the
neighbourhood I can go for a quick morning coffee with
Two friends
Lunch friends who
always inspire me
Too many to mention
Friends to go
to the pub with in the evening
Problem area: five
years ago that was over a dozen people, but most have moved away and one passed
away. Needs beefing up.
So, if you’re stressed
and you’re not at the point where you need someone like me to talk to, create
your own support system map and beef up all the bits you feel are lacking.
Honestly, it’s a great help. Also, if you are unhappy at work, here’s a post onhow to use this together with self determination theory.
Image by truthseeker08 from Pixabay
