Toxic traits aren’t a life sentence. They’re learned — which means you can unlearn them. If you’re ready to do the work, start here.

We all have the capacity for toxic behaviour. It’s human. So first: kick the shame.

Think of toddlers yelling “But I waaaaant!” when they don’t get their way.

They’re not evil — they’re learning how to get what they want. And that’s the point.

Toxic behaviour is learned. 

• You can learn it if abuse is normalised in your family, culture or workplace. 
• You can learn it by copying a partner or a boss. 
• You can learn it from influencers. 
• You can even learn it by accident.

So if you’ve picked up toxic behaviour, don’t sink into shame. Take charge. Unlearn it.

If you want support doing that work, DM me.

#toxictraits #mensmentalhealth #menshealing #accountability #selfawareness #emotionalintelligence #healingjourney #unlearnandrelearn #therapyfor men #psychotherapy #healthyrelationships #personalgrowth #shadowwork #innerwork #mentalhealthuk

“Yes, but…” When Fear Leads To Self-Sabotage in Therapy

“Yes, but…”

It’s the phrase that keeps so many people stuck in relationships that hurt, whether that’s at home or in the workplace.

If you want change but find yourself resisting it, you aren’t weak. You’ve likely already tried everything: coping, reasoning, waiting, and forgiving.

When you’ve experienced control or gaslighting, your brain begins to see change as a danger. It’s understandable to feel afraid. But staying in the "buts" often means staying in the suffering.

Effective therapy involves challenge:  

• Labelling what is actually happening. 
• Challenging the patterns that keep you stuck. 
• Practising new ways of thinking and behaving.

It can be uncomfortable, and it can sting. But on the other side of that work is freedom.

Real change doesn't happen all at once; it starts with tiny steps and the willingness to experiment with doing something differently.

I’m Ellen Whyte. I work with clients internationally to navigate this process in a safe, supportive space.

If you’re ready to explore what doing things differently looks like for you, contact me.

 

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How to Survive the Holidays With Difficult Family. You’re not alone — and it’s not too late to plan your escape.

When Holidays Are Problematic

England is frosty cold so the cats are napping under the feather duvet and the humans are enjoying hot chocolate. Yum!

This month with Christmas, Hannukah, New Year and then Chinese New Year coming up, it’s timely to talk about difficult families.

If you dread seeing family, know you’re not alone. Also, I will outline how you can help yourself. 

First, if you feel alone in this, national surveys and studies tell a different story.

In the UK, about 20% of people are estranged from at least one family member, and about 2.7% of young people are estranged from their parents. Link    

In the USA, 27% of people are estranged from at least one family member, and about 10% are estranged from a parent or child. Link

In Asian cultures, family bonds are idealised, but reality can be very different. In Malaysia in 2021, two elderly people were abandoned each day. In Singapore and India, governments use laws to force estranged kids to maintain parents. Link

So, if you don’t get along, please know it’s very, very common. People are complicated, and life isn’t Disney. 

The secret to surviving holidays is planning. You know your family, and can predict how they’ll operate. Think like a general and work out a battle plan.

Three steps to success:
•    Write down triggers, and work on responses. Rehearse so you’re word perfect. Pro tip: this also helps with managing your emotions!
•    Know your boundaries. Decide at what point you walk out.  Have a safe place set up in advance.
•    Focus on self-care rituals before, during, and after the visit.

Start now, so you’re good to go for next month. 

I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. If you’d like a personal practical strategy plan, WhatsApp me to book a session.