Is Mainstream Psychology Racist? Why Western Therapy May Not Work for Southeast Asians—And How to Fix It

Have you read psychology books or papers and felt frustrated – or that the information is irrelevant?

The idea that we are all the same is popular—and in some ways, it’s true. We all have hearts, lungs, and kidneys in the same place. But psychology isn’t just about biology; it’s about how we think, feel, and live—and that varies greatly across cultures.

As much psychology was developed in Europe and North America, mainstream therapy or self-help books may not work well in other places.

I’ve lived and worked in Malaysia and Indonesia for over 30 years and now run a global practice. I adapt therapy to different cultural needs and want to share how you can find a therapist who actually works for you.

"I" vs. "We" Cultures

Western cultures emphasise individualism—people see themselves as individuals first, then as part of a family or group. This fosters independence and empowerment. The downside is that is also can lead to loneliness. When needs clash, there is open conflict.

In Southeast Asia, collectivism is the norm—people see themselves as part of a family or group first. The upside is that you’re never alone. The downside is that the demand for conformity can be frustrating. Open conflict is avoided, but social pressure or bullying to enforce group norms is common.

Family Support vs. Public Safety Nets

In the West, public social safety nets are a priority—taxes fund unemployment benefits, disability support, universal healthcare, and elder care. The US is an exception, as it lacks universal healthcare. While life is expensive, it means we have a safety cushion. We can leave our jobs and move house or city if we want to. If family are toxic, we can leave and our lives are maybe difficult but not over.

In Southeast Asia, morality centres on family responsibility. Taxes are low, and government benefits are limited. If you’re unemployed or ill, your family is expected to support you. Some countries, like Malaysia and Singapore, offer minimal government aid, but most support comes from relatives, not the state. While life is cheaper, you need to build your own safety cushion.  It can be very difficult to leave a job or move. If family are toxic, it is hard to leave as the system makes it difficult to be independent.

Different Views on Mental Health

Western psychology treats mental health as a medical issue. This reduces stigma and encourages a problem-solving approach. The downside is that we can lose sight of the person; we typically try and throw pills at problems first and engaging as humans second. Part of this attitude is fuelled by mental health care being expensive compared to pills.  

In Southeast Asia, views are changing slowly but mental health is linked traditionally to weak character, evil spirits, or past life events. This fuels shame and stigma, making people avoid seeking help. Even today, admitting to mental health issues can cost you a job or promotion. Stigma has us avoiding medication, even when needed, and also because there are few psychiatrists. Traditional healing methods like prayers and rituals can offer comfort but don’t provide lasting solutions.

Hierarchy and Communication in Therapy

Western therapy is direct—clients state their issues openly, and therapists treat them as equals. This helps therapy progress quickly and efficiently.

In Southeast Asia, discussing personal problems—especially about parents, bosses, or authority figures—is difficult. Clients may withhold or misrepresent information out of shame or discomfort. Since therapists are seen as higher in hierarchy, clients may hesitate to voice concerns if therapy isn’t working.

Race and Religion in Therapy

Both the West and Southeast Asia struggle with racism, sexism, ageism, and religious discrimination. However, these issues are often hard to discuss openly, despite their impact on mental health.

How to Find the Right Therapist for You

If you’re from Southeast Asia, look for a therapist who:
✅ Respects confidentiality to help you feel safe sharing.
✅ Uses indirect communication and storytelling to foster understanding.
✅ Provides psychoeducation, so you gain practical coping skills.
✅ Focuses on solutions, rather than endless self-exploration.
✅ Considers family and social roles, not just the individual.
✅ Discusses hierarchy and its impact on your mental health.
✅ Is open to non-harmful traditional healing practices like seven-flower baths, prayer, and mindfulness.

Final Thoughts

Therapy should be adapted to fit your cultural background—not force you into a Western model. By choosing the right approach, you can make therapy work for you without feeling disconnected from your roots.  Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation.

 

"Help! My Friend Was Abused." What To Say, A Multicultural Perspective

When your friend or colleague tells you they were abused, are you stuck for words? Here are some ideas for how to communicate as an ally.

Before you start, understand that violence and abuse are common.

Statistics from the World Health Organisation:
7% of men were sexually abused before age 18
20% of women were sexually abused before age 18
25% of adults have a history of being physically abused as kids
50% of kids today have suffered from violence in the last year

Consequences of violence:
It's not just physical harm. Victims suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues as well as physical damage.

Why violence continues:
Violence is passed down through families. A kid that is abused is more likely to learn this behaviour and then abuse their own kids.

There is no easy quick fix. To stop violence, we must all work together.

#1 Thing to do: listen with compassion
Those statistics show that this is a common problem but there is a massive conspiracy of silence. It takes huge courage for victims to speak out. So when they do, listen with love.

#2 Don't suggest forgiveness
Why is there a conspiracy of silence? Because victims who speak up are told, "They didn't mean it" and "Those were different times" and "You should forgive."

Anyone who says "You should forgive" and makes excuses is really saying, "I'm totally okay with people abusing you." <- don't do this.

#3 Don't ask for details
Making people relive trauma is cruel.

Also, it can come across as judgmental, as if you get to decide what is abuse and what isn't. Unless you happen to be the sitting judge in a court case, you don't get to decide.

#4 Do say, "I'm sorry this happened to you."
Victims are used to being blamed, dismissed and hurt, so let them hear your support.

#5 Don't ask why they didn't leave or fight back
Because it sounds like, "You were asking for it."

#6 Ask, "What can I do to support you?"
And accept that sometimes the answer is, "Just listen."

#7 Inch forward and accept there are no solid rules.
There's a lot of narrative that says "Call rape, rape" and "Call out the perpetrators." With respect, that's great stuff for privileged people.

For some people, that direct vocabulary can be triggering. And the mere idea of calling out a violent person can have victims panicking. This is especially true in societies where victims of abuse are murdered or jailed.

Just be gentle, listen and let them talk.

#8 Say, "You didn't do anything wrong" and "You are the victim in this."
Because guilt comes from punishment. We tend to think that guilt follows wrongdoing but that is very much not true. 

Guilt comes from pain, from hurt, from danger. So victims need to hear that they are not to blame. That they're good people, and victims.

#9 If the victim is up for it, and it is safe to do so in your society, offer to help source them help.
Telling the story is exhausting. So if your friend or colleague is tired, you can offer to sort through available support groups (NGOs, government departments etc) and get help.

Note: not all support systems are good. Some exist to blame victims. So as the friend, be certain to weed out the black hats. Check around, ask questions, search social media to see what these groups post and how people talk about them.  

I hope this helps 💙 

Photo credit: Alexas 

Cultural Appropriation, Cats And Anger

Keziah bought a prom dress and naturally showed it off to her friends on Twitter. 

 

Hours later, the young American girl was inundated with by mobs of haters screaming at her. Why? Because she was wearing a cheongsam.

What constitutes good manners is very much a matter of time and place. When I first went to Indonesia, back in the 80s, my good friend Mr Toebe gave me a dress from his native island, Savu.

“Wear it when we go to dinner,” he said.

I thanked him, and the next time we went out, I put it on.

Now, Savu ladies are petite and I’m a hulking great big European.

The dress was gorgeous, and Mr Toebe had taken the precaution of having two skirts sew together so it would cover me properly, but I looked as if I’d been stuffed into a carpet.  Fashion fail was putting it mildly.

Mr Toebe met me in the lobby of my hotel, took one look, and said, “Absolutely lovely.” Then, just as smoothly, “Better get changed. The restaurant is a little cold.”

Told you he was a nice man!

The thing is, over the years I have been given saris, kebayas, and a tonne of tops, hats, shoes and other fashion items. I’ve been grateful for the gifts and I’ve worn them to make my friends happy - whether they suited me or not.

I know that manners and customs change, and that’s fine, but I’ve been watching the spread of ‘cultural appropriation’ with dismay. 

“You can’t wear that dress!”

“You’re not allowed to get that haircut!”

“That coat is only to be worn by my people!”

“How dare you look the way you do!”

When I hear these sentiments, I think of my cats. When they’re in a bad mood, they start fighting over who gets the big comfy chair, over who gets the corner sofa seat, and who is entitled to getting lap time. 

They’re cats and they’re territorial because they can’t help it. But we are people and we should know better.

I get that anger is a problem. We're all frustrated by bad economies, by unmitigating unfairness, and by constant overcrowding and stress.

But I don’t like this trend. Policing how others look is the tool of controlling bullies.

As for the mental health aspect of this, let me say this: if the sight of someone feeling beautiful and happy enrages you, there is something very wrong. And not only does that rage hurt others, but it's going to hurt you, too.

Image by Efes Kitap from Pixabay