Fed up and want to quit? You're not alone. Here's how to do it and guard your mental health.

It’s cold! I’ve got a cardigan on and the cats are in bed – snuggling in the duvet. Summer is over, autumn is coming in at a clip but we take joy in hot chocolate 😊

It’s a change, and speaking of which:

If you’re fed up and want to quit your job, you’re not alone.

2026 surveys show that large numbers of professionals are considering or actively seeking a job switch: Malaysia (92%), UK (53%), Singapore (49%) and USA (43%).

One of the drivers is AI. A huge CNBC-Microsoft study in July found that about 1 in 4 workers, and nearly 1 in 3 students, are rethinking their industry because of AI.

Other drivers include looking for better salaries, more meaningful work, and a better work–life balance.

All change though is frightening. New environments mean new risks, challenges, and learning. Our brains are wired to see change = danger.

If you’re considering changing jobs or careers, here are three research‑backed ways to protect your mental health during the process:

1. Try for stages, rather than one giant leap. Smaller, planned steps feel more controllable and lower anxiety.

2. Guard your routines. Prioritise sleep, regular exercise, and have fun with friends or family. Ideally, you schedule ‘no work chat’ blocks of time so the change doesn’t take over your whole identity.

3. Watch out for and manage anxiety, low mood, or trauma flares as stress builds.

I’ve moved countries five times, with three major career changes. It’s always a rollercoaster, but with good planning and support, you can come out of it feeling happier and brighter.

If you’d like some help smoothing a transition, we can check in, assess what’s going on and design a sensible path forward together.

That’s it.

Warm wishes,
Ellen

Sources: Reeracoen thrivegroup.co lbc.co techcoffeehouse tradingeconomics SurveyMonkey

Queen Bees? Try Survival Mode

You’ve heard the toxic stereotype: women at the top don’t help other women because they’re jealous. Finally, a major study has set the record straight.

In this post we break it down and show you how to spot companies that truly support equality (or how to build one yourself).

Not Queen Bees — Just Trying to Survive

Ever wonder why some senior women empower others and some don’t?

PhD student Sofie Wiersma and her team analysed the careers of 1,808 top female executives from 1,177 large companies in 42 countries. Published in May 2025, the research found:

Women who get real support early in their careers go on to support other women once they reach the top. (source)

So much for the “queen bee” myth. The truth? When organisations only allow one or two token women to succeed, women are forced into competition — not out of jealousy, but to protect their own hard-earned careers.

One World by Geralt from Pixabay

I believe this applies to everyone who is marginalised.  Most of us want to lift others up. But we need the freedom to do it without risking everything we’ve built.

So how do you find (or create) a workplace that supports everyone properly?

What Real Empowerment Looks Like

Some companies shout “diversity!” while pointing to one woman on the board and quietly shutting the rest out.

Also? Many male executives think discrimination is over. It’s not.

Demand Hard Data
Good companies track and publish gender stats — from junior roles to C-suite — including progress, setbacks, and specific goals.
See: 2022 study by Dr Michelle Ryan 

Pay and Promotion Audits Matter
Men are often promoted for potential. Women have to prove themselves first. Pay gaps also persist.

Good companies do pay audits, ensure equal pay, and publish transparent promotion criteria.
See: 2023 study led by Dr Leanne S. Son Hing 

They Understand Intersectionality
All women face bias — but age, race, class, sexuality, and more compound it.

Example: Asian women are often stereotyped as “sweet” — not great if you're a leader.

Strong companies acknowledge this and tailor interventions.
See: Meta-analysis led by Dr Andrea Tricco 

Quick Checklist: Research Before You Apply

- Read annual reports: gender stats, pay gap, and progress on goals
- Review parental leave, flexible work, and anti-discrimination policies
- Look at leadership: if the C-suite isn’t diverse, that’s a red flag
- Check Glassdoor and LinkedIn for honest employee insights
- See if their clients and suppliers reflect their stated values
 

Want some support, message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation. 

The Hidden Cost of Humility: How Staying Low-Key Can Hold You Back

“Don’t show off, it’s unattractive.”
“It’s not nice to tell people you’re good at something.”
“Be humble!”

Many of us, especially women, were taught from childhood to be quiet about our achievements. Our parents and teachers may have meant well but it has had a very unfortunate effect: our invisibility means we lose out on opportunities.

The World Has Changed

In the past, we stuck to one career, with one or two employers, and often in the same town.
Today, we live in a global society.

Today we are constantly connecting with new roles, bosses, stakeholders, and companies. We can’t expect them to know us, the world is too big.

So what happens?
They check around to see who’s about – and the attention is taken up by those who are most visible.

We Know It’s True — But It’s Still Hard

We know it’s true, we see it and yet, it can be hard to motivate ourselves to shine in public.

When I talk to clients, I often hear fear:

“What if people criticize?”
“What if they think I’m arrogant?”
“But I’m not clever enough!”

These fears are real, and they’re not a sign of weakness — they’re proof that you were trained to put others first.

Ask Yourself This

I suggest this: who benefits when you take up less space?
Exactly.
You owe it to yourself to shine so you can have proper opportunities.

Start Small — Build Confidence

You can tame nerves with slow and sure exposure.

Kick off by commenting on a few posts.

Then repost something you see and like.

Work up to posting a picture with a caption.

And when you’re ready, write a post.

You can do it!

Need Support?

And if you need support, I can help. I work with people just like you — smart, capable, and ready to stop hiding. Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143for your free 15-minute consultation. 

 

Thinking Of Being Self-Employed? Some Thoughts From An Independent Private Practice Therapist

A photo of Target, because he's handsome

I've been self-employed for over 25 years now but there's one thing that still gets to me: an unplanned free day.

Crazy, right? Year in and year out I've made my business targets, fed myself, housed myself, and made enough to put money aside. Success by any standard.

But show me a day with no deadlines or planned income and my radar goes off. If there are two days, I'm nervy.  Three days, and I'm deep in backup plans.

Last time I had three unplanned free days was about 10 years ago. That's when I was still freelancing as a writer or content provider as people call it now.

I was sitting by the pool on a Wednesday, a happy luxury benefit of being your own boss, and there was no work for the rest of the week. So, I did some cold calling.

Usually, I plan on one in ten returns, so I called five new companies and pitched, expecting five fails and having to hit another five. Much to my surprise, three of them hit, and I didn't see the pool again for months :-)

Back in 2013, I saw the writing on the wall for content writing, and put myself through school to add a Masters in Counselling to the Degree in Psychology. I reckoned a portable job in that market would suit me, and took the risk.

I put a year's writing profit into the education, and gave up some of my time for two years as well. In total, I reckon I paid some RM50,000 in direct fees and lost writing income to get that education and new career set up.

Overall, it was the right move. I have a sustainable business that's portable, and I love what I do. I'm still writing on the side as well.

Today I have an unexpected day off. I had one last week too. I did consider worrying but decided against it. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'm watching Midsomer Murder, writing a chapter of the next Trigger Cullen novel, cooking a fancy schmancy dinner, and clearing out a drawer that's been bugging me. 

Because I've had several months of having way too much work, and I expect that in a week or so, I'll be pressed again.

Why am I telling you all this? Because the economy is tanking worldwide, because salaries are insanely low and so many people are thinking that it's better to go it alone.

I love being self employed but it's not for everyone. Here's three tips I think make the difference between make and break.

#1 Know what you do. As a therapist, I make complicated things simple. I'll work with you to figure out what's going on, and to lay out options. I'm also incredibly secretive, so you can talk and nobody will know what we talk about.

As a writer, I sell reliability. Once I say yes, you can leave me to do my job. Whatever it is I said I'd deliver will be on your desk. And probably early.

#2 Be able to sell yourself.  If you can't tell people you're brilliant, and exactly why they need to hire you, you won't get business.

#3 Be ruthless about money. You have to chase payments, or know how to weed out clients who don't pay. Otherwise you get work but no income.

If you're thinking of going it alone, I hope this helps.

And if you want tips from friends who are also self-employed, check out the FB post and add your own tip too

Job Hunting? Joining in the Big Resign? Some Thoughts About CV Writing My Clients Found Helpful

In therapy sessions where clients are changing jobs, we talk about career objectives, learning from past career experiences, and we model tricky conversations so you go into your interview empowered. Sometimes, we also talk about CVs. 

Note: In my other life, I worked as a freelance writer from 1996 and 2014, selling more than 3000 articles in over 12 countries to clients including Women's Weekly, Her World, Cleo, South China Morning Post, Japan Times, and the Straits Times. My work was syndicated by Planet Syndication in the UK.

Today I write columns for the Star newspaper in Malaysia and boutique content for corporations.  

So writing is something I love, and sometimes a session devolves into coaching where we work on wording CVs. 

This blog post is a quick chat about some useful web sites for that.

Today's CVs are achievement oriented. Also, more companies are using artificial intelligence to sift through applications, so your submission may never be seen by human eyes.

Don't worry!  You've got this. It's just a matter of getting into the right headspace.

Step #1: it's all about 'what can you do for me' and 'show me the money'

Specifically, they want to know what you accomplished, how you did it, and what benefit it brought to the company.

So not: managed a team of three responsible for streamlining accounting process
But: my team developed an inhouse app that cut accounting costs by streamlining accounting process

Adding numbers helps!
Ideal: my team developed an inhouse app that cut accounting costs by 8% saving the company $40,000 by streamlining accounting process

Google calls it the XYZ rule. You can read about that here

Get at least one achievement sentence down per job or position.

To slide through AI: think SEO

Step #2: check sample CVs for your industry to see what's hot

Cruise LinkedIn and see who's just landed a job you want. Peek at their CV or ask to see it. Then edit your CV.

You can also get sample CVs here, and a list of Malaysian headhunters organized by industry

Step #3: O*NET is a free career web site that has cheat sheets listing skills that are needed to ace jobs. You can use these to help push the AI to love you

Look at the search box in the top right corner and type programmer

Click on any job title, eg software developer, and click on the tab that says Details. Then cut and paste what works for you, e.g., Data base user interface and query software and Collaborate with others to resolve information technology issues

Also note, if you want to move into a related field, O*NET is a useful place to start exploring where you can go

PS O*NET is based on John Holland's career theories that were hot in the 1950s. In terms of scientific theory, there are issues. Therefore, don't take it as Science or Fact. Instead, see it as a useful start for thinking things through

I hope you find this useful. If you want some help with prepping for a career change or interview, you know how to find me

Credit: Image by Oli Lynch from Pixabay

Are You A 996 Slave? How 'Always On' Is Killing Us

"We went to the park, and my kids were very good at learning the names of the flowers."
"I went to the pool and worked hard, swimming 25 laps."
"The book I'm reading over the weekend is a self-help one. I'm learning to manage people better."

For many of us, relaxation is a dirty word. Everything has to be 'worthy'. Even kids can't just have fun; they need to have Edutainment.

Anxiety and depression rates are going through the roof because we're switched on all the time. Our relaxing is clandestine, as if it's wrong or wicked to just hang out and enjoy ourselves.

"I feel guilty just watching Netflix."
"I can't go out and sit in the park. I need to do something like count my steps."
"I can't switch off my phone, even when on weekends and holidays."

If that is you, it's time to stop and think. You know you will drive yourself into burnout by working 24/7 - or 996 as they say in China. You need downtime to be a mentally healthy person.

So, where does all this push to be working all the time come from?

Part of the problem is that the message, "You must be successful" is pushed on us from young. We're trained to aspire to luxury clothes, new cars, holidays abroad and lots of fancy stuff. But it goes deeper than that. I think that for many people, labour itself is considered inherently worthy.

In terms of my own roots, Scottish-Dutch, I suspect the rot set in around the 1500s when some religious scholars started pushing the idea that hard work and plain living were symbols of being a good person, definitely destined for heaven. This Protestant Work Ethic became a big part of everyday life and was eventually spread from Europe to North America.

Some political philosophers think the idea was promoted by capitalists (you have to sneer here, it's obligatory) in order to coerce people into working hard. So the message, "Working hard is good for you" is really masking the hidden truth, "If you work hard, I can make lots of money off you."

Call me a cynic, but I think there's a lot to that.

When I look at my Southeast Asian friends, I can't help but wonder if China's Imperial Exams that started around 605, during the Sui dynasty, did a similar job in this part of the world.

The old emperors in that time had a handful of plum jobs and too many people vying for them, so they ran a set of exams, designed to 'weed out the unworthy' as it were.

The system was meant to keep the aristocrats on top, not to empower peasants and inconveniently talented poor people. So, to get a job managing the city drains (and making all the suppliers pay you kickbacks) you would be examined on your poetry, archery, calligraphy and knowledge of protocol.

Awesome, right? While anyone who complained about the drains might get a superbly penned note rather than competent engineers, I suspect that system fostered the idea that study equalled success. And as the study involved complex skills such as poetry and archery, you could be at it for years. Busy all the time, in other words.

Shove those traditions of work and study together with modern technology, and you get real trouble.

Until the 1980s, work and personal time were very separate. Once you left the office, it was hard to be in touch. Back then, you could duck into the club with your mates, and be totally undiscoverable. But by the 1990s, mobile phones and email made staying in touch a snap. And somehow, people convinced themselves that being jacked into the machine was a wonderful thing.

It isn't.

Work is fine if you like it and most of us need to earn regularly in order to pay our bills. However, too much work drives anxiety and depression. Furthermore, it kills relationships. Basically, the modern work ethic is a mind killer.

To stay healthy, we need clear lines between work and personal time. It is not acceptable to be answering messages from clients and bosses after hours. Work is work and home is home.

And when you're at home, you have chores that need to be done, but you should also have time to relax. That means watching Netflix without guilt, enjoying the park for its fresh air and generally enjoying yourself.

We don't exist to work; life is for living.
 
That's my mental health blog post for the week. Let me know what you think?

Image by AHTmedia from Pixabay