When work stress won’t let you relax, here’s how to build relaxation habits

Target napping in bed

It’s raining in Thornaby so the cats demanded double tuna, early snacks and sloped off to bed where they are now napping.  

Cats are experts at relaxing, which brings me to the post.

In June we talked about getting back into reading and improving concentration. Some of you reported success; others struggled with giving up social media. 

We also had some conversations about work stress eating up personal time in the evenings that could be spent relaxing.

So if you find yourself scrolling social media and then kicking yourself, here’s how to you’re your relaxation habits.

Understand Why. In March this year, Meta (Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp) and Google (YouTube) were found guilty of deliberately building their social media platforms to be addictive. BBC BBC

Also, brains love routine and worry about change. So if you have been scrolling for months/years and you suddenly take up reading, your brain will kick up a fuss (if we’ve not covered this in sessions, ask me when we speak).

So: ditch the self-blame. 

Avoid This Error.  Resist the temptation to make relaxation ‘moral’ or ‘worthy’ like learning Swahili or going running when you’ve loathed it since school. 

While there’s nothing wrong with learning or exercising, we’re talking about relaxation. Therefore, pick something you enjoy. 

This is harder than it should be because having entertainment is linked to moral panic. 

Example: In the 1750s, moralists wailed that reading novels corrupts morals, stirs up emotions, damages eyesight and leads to crime and insanity. 

History shows similar moral panics concerning other entertainment including: theatre, cinema, radio, television, reading comic books, and gaming. 

I suggest that life is for living; we have the right to relax. In fact, if we don’t, our mental health suffers. We can’t and should not be ‘on’ all the time.

So, use this information to give yourself permission to pick two things you will enjoy. Ideally, pick one like listening to an audiobook and another that requires less attention such as watching a film.

Then schedule relaxation time into your calendar or diary. That makes it official. 

Finally, if your stress rises, remind yourself that relaxation is vital to good mental health. Breathe, and gently push the thoughts aside.

Still stressed and unable to relax? We can check-in, assess what’s going on and work on a sensible path forward.

That’s it.
Warm wishes,
Ellen
PS didn't get the June email? Ask me and I'll forward it to you.  

Everyone’s Struggling Financially. Most Couples Aren’t Talking. Let’s Fix That

If you’re feeling the pinch and arguing about money, you’re not alone. 

Research shows we’re seeing a global hit on living standards thanks to inflation as well as a fragile labour market. Source

Unfortunately, talking about money can be tricky. 

In Singapore, 70% of people face financial challenges with their partners, and around one in ten say they argue about money more than anything else. Source

In the UK, 15% of couples argue about paying for meals, holidays or home items. Unequal earnings are also a hot spot with 44% quarreling over a partner earning more but spending freely and 27% clashing about the other not paying their fair share. Source

Also, around 38–40% of people in relationships have secret accounts or hidden money/debt. Source

In the US, 45% of couples argue about money at least occasionally, with 25% saying money is their biggest fight. The most common tussles concern saving for retirement (54%) and not knowing how much they should save for retirement (55%). Source

If you find it hard to talk money, here are some tips.

1.    Schedule.  Every week/fortnight/month for 15–40 minutes. No phones, no calls, no interruptions.  
2.    Only one item on the agenda. Either bills, debt, saving, retirement etc. A tight focus prevents fights from spiraling.
3.    A budget is a tool; it’s not moral judgement. Agree on shared goals. Example: “reduce stress,” “save for X,” or “cap impulse spending to YYY.” 
4.    Be methodical. For example: list options, state preference, try the preferred option, review together. If it doesn’t work, change it! This prevents endless debating.
5.    Speak as friends. Not “You don’t care” but “Random spending makes me feel disrespected”

Money is difficult. If you want a confidential space to talk, we can check-in, assess what’s going on and work on a sensible path forward.

But before I go, a note about therapy sessions and costs. 

Thank you! You’ve supported me these ten years and more, and I really appreciate your trust. 

Costs are going up but I’m not putting up my prices. Everything stays as it is until December 1st, 2026 – and then we’ll see how it all stacks up.

Also, at the start of this year I offered a consistency discount where you receive 10% off your sixth session. I’m extending that until December 1st, 2026 too.

I believe mental health services should be accessible so will do my best to keep it as it is. 

Toxic traits aren’t a life sentence. They’re learned — which means you can unlearn them. If you’re ready to do the work, start here.

We all have the capacity for toxic behaviour. It’s human. So first: kick the shame.

Think of toddlers yelling “But I waaaaant!” when they don’t get their way.

They’re not evil — they’re learning how to get what they want. And that’s the point.

Toxic behaviour is learned. 

• You can learn it if abuse is normalised in your family, culture or workplace. 
• You can learn it by copying a partner or a boss. 
• You can learn it from influencers. 
• You can even learn it by accident.

So if you’ve picked up toxic behaviour, don’t sink into shame. Take charge. Unlearn it.

If you want support doing that work, DM me.

#toxictraits #mensmentalhealth #menshealing #accountability #selfawareness #emotionalintelligence #healingjourney #unlearnandrelearn #therapyfor men #psychotherapy #healthyrelationships #personalgrowth #shadowwork #innerwork #mentalhealthuk

Love... or Solo? You're Not Alone in This Trend

I write a once-a-month mental health article. Here is the February 2026 edition😊 

It’s still freezing in Thornaby so the cats are snuggled up on their heated sofa. Thankfully, they’re generous kitties and they let us share 🐾

And speaking of sharing, February is the month of love so it’s natural that reflecting on relationships stirs up all kinds of feelings, whether we’re partnered or happily single. 

Either way, being single is becoming far more common.

We’re seeing lots of social changes. Many people no longer follow the traditional path of dating, marriage, and kids.

The reasons driving this change are complex.

For those in their 20s, teenage years filled with social media and cyber bullying increased social anxiety. The pandemic lockdowns deprived many of a college too. You can’t socialize when classes are online.

For 30s and over, separations and divorce are traumatizing. When your heart’s been broken, the idea of dating again hits hard especially because you know there are no guarantees in life.

There are other factors at play too, but the numbers tell a clear story.

Euromonitor Nov 2025 reported that single-person households are the fastest-growing household type, with an expected increase to 26% of all households globally by 2040.

In the UK, 13% of people live alone now. In China, the Sileme app (“Are You Dead?”) which emails your chosen emergency contact if you miss two daily check-ins is one of the top-paid apps.

Whether you live alone by choice or circumstance, you’re part of a rising trend. And because pensions, housing and healthcare systems still assume a family unit, a little extra forward-thinking goes a long way.

To be safe, I believe that no matter what your relationship status, a thoughtful assessment of where you are and what your goals are is always useful.

This February, why not take a moment to reflect: Where are you now, and where would you like to be at 65? A quick look ahead helps you make choices that feel right for you.

If reflecting on this brings up questions or you’d like a confidential space to talk it through, WhatsApp or email and we can set up a chat.

PS, if you want a free article once a month, email me ellen.whyte@gmail.com. I curate the list personally, so your email stays secret.

Why High-Achieving Men Like Mark Secretly Struggle in Relationships – And How Therapy Helps Executives Reclaim Control

Worried about a relationship? That's what therapy is for 

Mark runs his team with efficient kindness. He doesn’t entertain nonsense but if someone has a genuine issue, he’s helpful and guides them to make useful choices and helpful changes.

But his dating life is different.
Mark’s Lucy is wonderful: bright, sexy and fun.

Lucy has a fab job but rarely picks up a bill.
Mark pays for dinners, holidays, and treats.
Lucy is effusive in her thanks but Mark tots it all up and it feels wrong.

Mark is hesitant to speak up.
He’s not sure why.

Maybe it’s because ‘real men pick up the bills.’
Something he feels may not be right?

Or maybe he worries that Lucy will be angry.
He knows that shouldn’t stop him. He feels shame even thinking that.

As life is overall excellent, Mark buries the problem. But a few months later he realizes it’s affecting his focus. It nags him but he’s not sure who to speak to.
So he continues, vaguely unhappy and feeling secretly helpless.

This is what therapy is for.
Sessions are private spaces where Mark can say what he thinks, work out what is happening, and figure out approaches that work best for him.

If you’re a Mark, take action.
You deserve to be happy.

#RelationshipAdvice #PersonalGrowth #MensMentalHealth #PersonalDevelopment #ExecutiveCoaching #MidlifeLeadership #EmotionalIntelligence #RelationshipDynamics

“Yes, but…” When Fear Leads To Self-Sabotage in Therapy

“Yes, but…”

It’s the phrase that keeps so many people stuck in relationships that hurt, whether that’s at home or in the workplace.

If you want change but find yourself resisting it, you aren’t weak. You’ve likely already tried everything: coping, reasoning, waiting, and forgiving.

When you’ve experienced control or gaslighting, your brain begins to see change as a danger. It’s understandable to feel afraid. But staying in the "buts" often means staying in the suffering.

Effective therapy involves challenge:  

• Labelling what is actually happening. 
• Challenging the patterns that keep you stuck. 
• Practising new ways of thinking and behaving.

It can be uncomfortable, and it can sting. But on the other side of that work is freedom.

Real change doesn't happen all at once; it starts with tiny steps and the willingness to experiment with doing something differently.

I’m Ellen Whyte. I work with clients internationally to navigate this process in a safe, supportive space.

If you’re ready to explore what doing things differently looks like for you, contact me.

 

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Want an adventurous, enriching 2026? Try this different approach

Video on my Instagram.  There are people who commit to huge goals in January and go all year, like those watch ads and there’s the other 99% of us who get the watch and it stops there. 


If you’re one of the 99% I have a radical idea: don’t set yourself up for misery. Do 2026 differently. 

Try my suggestion that will enrich your life.

There’s a push towards constant development: work hard, improve yourself. 
There’s a second push that says: do one thing and get really good at it.

My view: meh. 

Strategic investment of your time and energy is key. 
Plan your career carefully. 
Spend some time looking into yourself and being the best you.
But there’s such a thing as too much push. Life is about having fun too. 

So for 2026, make it a year of exploration. 
Don’t commit to one thing; do things for a fortnight or a month.
In January, I walk around three parks. In February, I check out two museums. In March I take a three hour salsa class.

Think of it as a taste testing of life. Broaden your horizons, relax and have some fun.

That’s it! Happy New Year. Wishing you lots of laughter