Men and boys think about sex all the time.
Men and boys don’t care who you are, as long as they can have sex with you.
Men and boys are hunters; they need to mate.We see and hear this nonsense so often, that it sometimes doesn’t sink in that these nasty stereotypes actively dehumanize and disenfranchise boys and men.
Think about it. By denying men and boys their humanity, it reduces them to bags of hormones looking for satisfaction.
Men Can Be Victims Too |
End result? This nonsense creates a world where men and boys cannot be sexually assaulted or raped.
Example #1: Ginny buys Ricky a gin and tonic. She kisses him. Two minutes later, they’re in bed.
Think: you okay with this? It’s borderline, isn’t it? One G&T is okay but we need to know how many Ricky has had so we can figure out if he can still consent.
Supposing Ricky is 15 and Ginny is 30. To me, that is rape because a 15-year-old cannot consent. Ginny is a predator.
Surprisingly, some people will say something like, “Ooooh, he got lucky!” Because all men and boys want sex all the time.
We are getting better in some places at protecting women from predators. However, the lesson that predators get away with sexual crimes because of power imbalance still hasn’t gotten through when the victims are male.
The truth is that boys and men are sexually assaulted and/or raped in a variety of common situations:
• In boarding schools
• In all-male religious rites (churches, mosques, temples, etc)
• As part of gang initiation
• When a victim of another crime such as mugging or robbery
• In prison
• In the military (as punishment and/or initiation)
• In war
The World Health Organization estimates 1 in 3 (30%) of women suffer rape & sexual assault at some point in their lives. Other large studies suggest that 1 in 6 (15%) of men suffer rape & sexual assault at some point in their lives.
Women know that reporting violence typically means more violence. It’s still typically safer for us to shut up than speak up. However, in the last 40 years we have started to push back a little. In some places we can report. Sometimes, although it’s super rare, we may even get some justice.
Men are still stuck in the 1970s.
Fact: in England and Wales, men were not recognized legally as victims of rape until 1994.
So what do we need to do? Speak up. Shine a light on what goes on. Once we kill the taboo, we have a shot at making effective change.
Talking is scary but I think that the official stats are under-reporting. I believe stats for sexual assault and rape are more like 9/10 for women and 8/10 for men.
Almost every man I know has had an unwanted persistent frightening grope at some point. The difference is that men tend to be attacked when they’re under 21 and women tend to be attacked when under 45.
So talking will help. And if you have been targeted and you want to talk about it in a safe space, consider hiring me as your extremely private therapist. I’m sensible and affordable 😊