Damaging myths about masculinity create a profound culture of abuse and silence.
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| Men Can Be Victims Too |
- Boys think about sex all the time.
- Boys are always ready for sex.
- Men don’t care who you are, all they care about is sex.
- Men are hunters; they need to mate.
We see and hear this so often, that it sometimes doesn’t sink in that these stereotypes actively deny men and boys their humanity.
The painful result? This lack of recognition creates a world where many men and boys are unable to acknowledge, or even conceptualize, that they can be sexually assaulted or raped.
Men Can Be Victims Too
Consider a common scenario:
Example: Ricky’s celebrating his birthday. He’s had a few too many gins. When his toxic ex Ginny buys him another one, he just drinks it. Next day he wakens up in bed with Ginny.
Typically, people tell Ricky he shouldn’t get drunk.
As a therapist, I immediately ask about Ricky’s internal experience. The conversation typically starts with Ricky worrying what his toxic ex will do next. However, the deeper issue of the overwhelming feeling of violation is rarely discussed when the victim is male. This trauma is often instantly dismissed with the toxic line, "He got lucky!"
The truth is that Ginny is a predator. She saw Ricky was vulnerable and knew he could not consent, and would not consent if he were sober. That’s rape.
The reality I see in my practice is that predators can be male or female, straight or LGBTQ. All predators exploit power imbalances, and anyone can be a target.
Sadly, predators get away with sexual crimes because of power. This lesson still hasn’t fully sunk in when the victims are male.
Boys and men are sexually assaulted and/or raped in a variety of high-risk situations:
- In boarding schools
- In all-male religious rites (churches, mosques, temples, etc)
- As part of gang initiation
- When a victim of another crime such as mugging or robbery
- In prison
- In the military (as punishment and/or initiation)
- In war
Studies suggest that 1 in 6 men suffer rape & sexual assault at some point in their lives.
Fact: in England and Wales, men were not recognized legally as victims of rape until 1994.
I believe the official stats are a massive under-reporting. My clinical intuition and experience suggest the true numbers are far higher. As men typically don’t report being sexually harassed or groped, I believe the number of men who have experienced an unwanted, persistent, or frightening sexual experience is far higher, likely reaching 7 or even 8 out of 10.
The Path Forward: Breaking the Silence
So what do we need to do? Speak up. Shine a light on what goes on. Once we kill the taboo, we have a shot at making effective change.
Talking is scary, but talking helps.
You don't have to carry this alone.
Many men live with the quiet weight of trauma; memories or experiences they rarely speak of. Over time, that burden often shows up as stress, anxiety, or a feeling that you’ve lost yourself. .
You might think, “Other people had it worse,” or “I should be over it by now.” But if it’s affecting your life today, it deserves care. .
In therapy, you’ll have a safe, private space to unpack what’s been sitting heavy for too long. Together, we’ll find ways to ease that pressure, steady your emotions, and help you feel like yourself again.
If you’re ready to finally break the silence, let's talk about taking the first step. Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation.
