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| When you feel attacked and small, it's bullying |
People who bully sometimes claim they’re
helping you.
They’ll say it’s an intervention — that you need to be “called out” or
“shown the truth.” And because they frame it that way, you’re expected to be
grateful. If you protest or disagree, you’re the problem.
This kind of emotional manipulation can wreck your self-trust.
Sherry’s Story
Sherry is a schoolteacher. She’s kind, competent, and as her job is intensive, she likes quiet weekends where she cooks, reads books and pets her cats, Winston and Boots. Her job is people-heavy, and she needs her downtime.
But a few colleagues didn’t like that.
They cornered her one afternoon and said she
was “damaging team cohesion” by not coming to their socials. They
claimed they were just “looking out for her” and wanted to give her a chance to
reflect.
They didn’t ask how she was. They didn’t listen. They just took turns
criticising.
She left feeling small, ashamed, and confused.
That’s Not an Intervention — That’s Group Control
Group abuse often comes disguised as concern. It may look like this:
- You’re outnumbered
- The tone is “we’re worried about you,” but the message is: “You need to change for us”
- You’re not invited to explain — you’re expected to submit
It’s designed to overwhelm and isolate. And it usually happens in a setting they control — their turf, their terms, their story.
📌 Sociologists call this “mobbing” — when a group singles out and pressures an individual, often under the guise of moral or social correction.
The Psychological Fallout
You go home and start asking:
- Were they right?
- Am I selfish or cold?
- Maybe I really am difficult…
They’ve thrown your self-image into doubt. It’s a power move — and one that erodes your confidence.
What Real Interventions Look Like
A genuine intervention is rare — and it’s structured. It’s usually led by a trained professional and focuses on a serious crisis (like addiction or harm).
It involves:
- Clarity of purpose (e.g. safety, urgent health risk)
- Respect for the person involved
- Support, not punishment
If you leave the conversation feeling heard —
even if it’s tough — it might have been real.
If you leave feeling ambushed, silenced, or ashamed, it wasn’t.
You’re Allowed to Set Limits
You don’t have to accept bullying disguised as “help.”
You’re not a team problem because you value
rest. You’re not broken because you need boundaries.
And you are allowed to walk away from any conversation that’s a trap in
disguise.
📩 Need help untangling someone else’s version of you from the truth? I offer therapy online, £45/hour. Email ellen.whyte@gmail.com — no pressure, no nonsense.
