Here’s a curious thing: it’s likely that your first IRL date is probably safe; it is your second date that’s potentially dangerous.
In the old days (pre-1990s!) dating was mostly conducted through friends or friends-of-friends. You might not know the person, but someone close to you would know their parents, whether they were single, where they worked, and so on.
Today we tend to work further from home and dating apps have us meet strangers.
Stranger-danger is a thing but when we are robbed, assaulted, or raped, it is more likely to be a relative or friend rather than a masked villain jumping out of a dark alley.
Many people who date online are normal, decent people. Flawed in human ways but inherently safe.
A small percentage are extremely dangerous. If you’re online looking for love, this is one nasty way some predators work. Because forewarned is forearmed.
How Drug-Then-Rape Dates Work
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| Predators hide their real selves |
They’re warm and constantly sending photos of themselves and asking you about your day and your heart.
When you meet, they’re sweet and you have a nice coffee or drink. Most likely, you’re happy when the date ends.
You text, you meet the second time – and then the coffee is spiked or maybe it was in your cocktail.
When you waken up, you don’t remember exactly what happened. Maybe you’re in a hotel. Maybe you’re at his place. Very often, he’s still around and he’s acting normally.
Many targets are completely confused at this point. They can’t believe they’re with a predator, so they try and ‘make sense’ of matters. They wonder if they were drunk. They wonder if they asked for sex.
They can’t believe the truth: that this is a regular occurrence because that ‘nice guy’ drugs his targets and then assaults them.
Note: most reports come from women attacked by men but men are also attacked – for sex and sometimes just for money.
If you report it, the rapist points at the texts you’ve exchanged. You’re good friends, you had a great time on that other date – and then he claims he’s the victim of a hysterical woman who was perfectly happy with a one night stand at the time but blah blah blah….
How To Protect Yourself
First, awareness counts. Don’t accept drinks or food unless it comes straight from the bar or kitchen to you. Don’t take your eyes off it. If you’re uncertain, leave it.
Second, when you date strangers, always have someone collect you or check on you after the date. And tell your date up front at the start of the date that your brother/cousin/mum/father is collecting you or meeting you. Do this for the first six dates.
Finally, if anything feels off, leave.
Remember: tigers have stripes for a reason; it helps them blend in. Predators are tigers too, and they are very good at looking perfectly harmless. So be careful and don’t believe what people say about themselves; watch their behaviour to know who they are.
Image courtesy of HANSUAN FABREGAS from Pixabay
