Hours later, the
young American girl was inundated with by mobs of haters screaming at her. Why?
Because she was wearing a cheongsam.
What constitutes good
manners is very much a matter of time and place. When I first went to
Indonesia, back in the 80s, my good friend Mr Toebe gave me a dress from his
native island, Savu.
“Wear it when we go to
dinner,” he said.
I thanked him, and the
next time we went out, I put it on.
Now, Savu ladies are petite and I’m a hulking great big
European.
The dress was
gorgeous, and Mr Toebe had taken the precaution of having two skirts sew
together so it would cover me properly, but I looked as if I’d been stuffed
into a carpet. Fashion
fail was putting it mildly.
Mr Toebe met me in the
lobby of my hotel, took one look, and said, “Absolutely lovely.” Then, just as
smoothly, “Better get changed. The restaurant is a little cold.”
Told you he was a nice man!
The thing is, over the
years I have been given saris, kebayas, and a tonne of tops, hats, shoes and
other fashion items. I’ve been grateful for the gifts and I’ve worn them to
make my friends happy - whether they suited me or not.
I know that manners
and customs change, and that’s fine, but I’ve been watching the spread of
‘cultural appropriation’ with dismay.
“You can’t wear
that dress!”
“You’re not allowed
to get that haircut!”
“That coat is only
to be worn by my people!”
“How dare you look
the way you do!”
When I hear these
sentiments, I think of my cats. When they’re in a bad mood, they start fighting
over who gets the big comfy chair, over who gets the corner sofa seat, and who
is entitled to getting lap time.
They’re cats and
they’re territorial because they can’t help it. But we are people and we should
know better.
I get that anger is a problem. We're all frustrated by bad economies, by unmitigating unfairness, and by constant overcrowding and stress.
But I don’t like this
trend. Policing how others look is the tool of controlling bullies.
As for the mental health
aspect of this, let me say this: if the sight of someone feeling beautiful and
happy enrages you, there is something very wrong. And not only does that rage hurt others, but it's going to hurt you, too.
