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These events are incredibly common and yet,
we often struggle to even report them, never mind find help in managing with
the emotional fallout.
Among the many reasons for keeping quiet,
this is the one I hear often, “I wonder what I did to deserve this. What could
I have done to prevent it?”
If this is you, then please let me ask you
something.
Suppose you are walking down a path in the
forest, eating a chocolate bar. A monkey rushes past you, snatches it out of
your hand and runs off.
Who is to blame? You or the monkey?
It’s the monkey, right? The monkey chose to
attack you.
Now, suppose you are sitting on a terrace,
eating a chocolate bar. A monkey rushes past you, snatches it out of your hand
and runs off.
Who is to blame? You or the monkey?
It’s the monkey, right? The monkey chose to
attack you.
Now, suppose you are sitting by an open
window in your home, eating a chocolate bar. A monkey dives inside, snatches it
out of your hand and runs off.
Who is to blame? You or the monkey?
It’s the monkey, right? The monkey chose to
attack you.
Now, when you were attacked, who was the
monkey there? Who chose to attack you?
This is what it boils down to: it is the
attacker who has the power. It is the attacker who decides to hurt you. You are not to blame.
You can see the logic in this, yes? So why
do we feel as if we’re somehow responsible?
I believe it comes from a false belief that
we live in a world of karmic balance.
We like to think that if we’re good, then
good things will happen to us. So when shit happens, we wonder what we did to
deserve it.
This is also the basis for victim blaming.
When other people see a good person suffering, they are afraid. They want to
believe that being good somehow protects them from the evil in the world.
They are so scared, that they would rather hang
on to their false belief than see the reality. That’s why they hide in their
fear and say, “s/he must have done something to deserve it.”
Fact: very bad things happen to very good
people.
If you are the victim of violence, sexual
or otherwise, please stand back from the situation and ask yourself, “Who was
the monkey here?” And believe me when I
tell you, “It wasn’t you.”
Put the blame where it belongs, hold your
head high, and know you are a survivor.
Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
