I’m Practicing A Load Of Joyful Self-Care For Christmas

Well, this isn’t how I hoped Christmas would be. The news from all over is sucky. Hopefully the vaccines will soon put an end to this pandemic. I’m practicing a load of joyful self-care this week and thought I’d share.

Filing and painting my nails while watching reruns of Charmed. OMG, some of those plotlines are just FULL of holes!  And still love it.

Treat. I have bought every Christmas treat under the sun and am making my way through them, one at a time. It’s totally awesome. Evil, wicked, decadent – by January, I’ll have just ten teeth left 😊

Voice calling friends. Video is exhausting but voice means we can catch up and have a giggle.

I’ve ditched group chat and calls. I’m doing one on one because group chatter is just too difficult. It’s okay for business meetings but it sucks for personal.

Old fave film marathons, with snacks. Last week we watched the 2s: Predator 2, Terminator 2 and Aliens. This week we’re doing LA films: Repo Man, Point Break and Escape from LA

Playing with Tic Tac, petting Target and helping Swooner by repairing his favourite ‘bockses’. Cats rule.

Face scrub, clay mask and that goopy stuff in my hair. It involves jumping in and out of the shower for an hour, but I’m coming out sparkly new. And Target likes playing with the soapy stuff draining away.

Turning out a cupboard for recycle, chuck out and gift. Some outdated textbooks got the heave-ho and the kids down the street loved the animal encyclopedia.

Experimental black and white film marathons. Yesterday we watched three halves of terrible films! Totally, truly sucky. And we had a blast, laughing at how dreadful they were. We’ve also come across some totally fantastic films, like Lady in the Lake (1947)

Cooking up unusual dishes, like turning some solid pears in sauce, stuffing pastry with chicken and mushroom herby stuff, and working with fresh cilantro.

Ran in and out of Mr DIY and bought a load of photo frames. Am now going through the bag of old pics. Fun!

And finally, editing and uploading my books, fiddling about with blurbs. This may seem like work from the outside, but my fiction writing is exercising the inner me. I am hugging my inner Sith Lord with a new story too.

Wherever you are, I hope you are safe and well. Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

Image by Angeles Balaguer from Pixabay

Grab this for free! -> Reaching Out: Your Easy Guide to Finding Affordable Quality Online Therapy by Ellen Whyte and Alvin Ng Lai Oon

Download for free from Kobo, Google Play, Apple, Amazon and more shops 

Reaching out for online mental health support but not sure where to start? Reaching Out is the guide for you!

Packed with useful information, and written in everyday English, Reaching Out will help you make informed decisions.

This short, easy text answers common questions such as:
•When is working online totally terrific and when should I avoid it?
•Should I look for a psychiatrist, psychologist, or some other mental health practitioner? What do all the titles mean anyway?
•How can I tell who’s professional and who is out to scam me?
•How secret are sessions?
•Do I need fancy software or can I just Zoom?
•How do I pick the right person to work with?
•Do culture and shared experience matter?
•What do I need to do to get the most out of therapy?

This practical guide is written by an academic and a practitioner, so you benefit from a wide perspective.

Dr Alvin Ng is a professor of psychology, the Founding President of the Malaysian Society of Clinical Psychology, and the author of journal articles and scientific publications.

Ellen Whyte is a Scottish-Dutch counselling psychologist in Malaysia. She has an international practice with clients based in Southeast Asia, the Middle East, and North America.

As Alvin and Ellen take you through the basics, they also offer individual comments and insights. Sometimes they disagree!

Finally, while Alvin and Ellen are based in Malaysia, they write for an international audience. So, take advantage of global online therapy services, and read Reaching Out.

Download for free from Kobo, Google Play, Apple, Amazon and more shops 

Intervention or Bullying? How to Tell When It’s Not Really Support

When you feel attacked and small, it's bullying

People who bully sometimes claim they’re helping you.
They’ll say it’s an intervention — that you need to be “called out” or “shown the truth.” And because they frame it that way, you’re expected to be grateful. If you protest or disagree, you’re the problem.

This kind of emotional manipulation can wreck your self-trust.

Sherry’s Story

Sherry is a schoolteacher. She’s kind, competent, and as her job is intensive, she likes quiet weekends where she cooks, reads books and pets her cats, Winston and Boots. Her job is people-heavy, and she needs her downtime.

But a few colleagues didn’t like that.

They cornered her one afternoon and said she was “damaging team cohesion” by not coming to their socials. They claimed they were just “looking out for her” and wanted to give her a chance to reflect.
They didn’t ask how she was. They didn’t listen. They just took turns criticising.

She left feeling small, ashamed, and confused.

That’s Not an Intervention — That’s Group Control

Group abuse often comes disguised as concern. It may look like this:

• You’re outnumbered
• The tone is “we’re worried about you,” but the message is: “You need to change for us”
• You’re not invited to explain — you’re expected to submit

It’s designed to overwhelm and isolate. And it usually happens in a setting they control — their turf, their terms, their story.

📌 Sociologists call this “mobbing” — when a group singles out and pressures an individual, often under the guise of moral or social correction.

The Psychological Fallout

You go home and start asking:

• Were they right?
• Am I selfish or cold?
• Maybe I really am difficult…

They’ve thrown your self-image into doubt. It’s a power move — and one that erodes your confidence.

What Real Interventions Look Like

A genuine intervention is rare — and it’s structured. It’s usually led by a trained professional and focuses on a serious crisis (like addiction or harm).

It involves:

• Clarity of purpose (e.g. safety, urgent health risk)
• Respect for the person involved
• Support, not punishment

If you leave the conversation feeling heard — even if it’s tough — it might have been real.
If you leave feeling ambushed, silenced, or ashamed, it wasn’t.

You’re Allowed to Set Limits

You don’t have to accept bullying disguised as “help.”

You’re not a team problem because you value rest. You’re not broken because you need boundaries.
And you are allowed to walk away from any conversation that’s a trap in disguise.

📩 Need help untangling someone else’s version of you from the truth? I offer therapy online, £45/hour. Email ellen.whyte@gmail.com — no pressure, no nonsense.

Is This Secret? What You Need To Know About Confidentiality and Mental Health

 

Do you hesitate to talk to a therapist because you're worried how much of what you say is shared?

I'm super concerned about privacy, so I'm right with you on this.

This video covers the basic exceptions to privacy as well as the questions you should ask before you sign up with your therapist.

If you've questions, ask me!

 

 

How Anxiety Hijacks Everyday Events In Order To Push Your Inner Fears

Do you find yourself obsessing over small matters and convinced they 'prove' you are useless/evil?  If so, be aware that this is likely to be anxiety at work.

 

Anxiety magnifies issues <- catastrophising

Anxiety uses any excuse to underline and promote inner fears

Anxiety also erases positive events from your memory

Anxiety promotes nit-picking and beating yourself up