The Secret to Managing Anxiety? Sometimes You Just Need a Good Fart Joke.
In my work helping clients manage anxiety, depression, and complex trauma (PTSD/cPTSD), we spend a lot of time talking about the crushing weight of keeping up appearances. We are all policing our thoughts, our emotions, and our bodies, trying desperately not to mess up.
That’s why I absolutely loved Kirsten Bell’s hilarious book, Silent But Deadly. It’s an anthropological romp that dives straight into the "un-askable" questions of polite society: why do we laugh when someone rips one? Why are Americans obsessed with body odor? And what’s with the British obsession with dogs?
Bell is an Australian social anthropologist (and Visiting Professor at King's College London, so she knows her stuff), and she delivers a straight-up, no-messing-about, laugh-out-loud analysis.
Why I’m Recommending a Book on Taboos to My Serious Clients:
It’s Permission to be Human: The core of anxiety and cPTSD is often a terrifying fear of being "found out" or judged. Bell’s analysis is a brilliant, funny antidote. By showing how ridiculous and arbitrary social "rules" are—from which words are acceptable to which bodily functions must be hidden—she gives you permission to laugh at the pressure and loosen the reins on that exhausting self-control.
A Healthy Break from Heavy Topics: Healing depression and trauma is deep, serious work. Sometimes, the most therapeutic thing you can do is engage your curiosity and find some joy. This book is a delightful way to activate the lighter side of your brain without abandoning the critical thinking your professional mind craves.
The Power of Impeccable Insight (with Giggles): While you're giggling at her Tom Sharpe-esque wit, Bell is sliding in a tonne of information. She’s funny, smart, and her notes are impeccable—the perfect mix of authority and accessibility. It shows you that deep insight doesn't have to feel like a heavy academic burden.
The Takeaway for Your Mental Health: Silent But Deadly is a five-star delight and an excellent reminder that beneath the lawyer, the doctor, or the manager, we are all just complicated, slightly smelly humans subject to weird cultural rules.
Reading this and ready to move past the "silent but deadly" fear of judgment and start living with more authentic freedom? Email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 me, and we set up a free 15 minute chat.
Ratings are everywhere. From finding my dentist and GP to choosing a taxi or a restaurant, online reviews are the standard. Clients looking for therapists want to see them too. When they see a therapist with no ratings, they wonder if something is wrong; a therapist with lots of five-star reviews seems amazing.
It may seem counterintuitive, but if you want a good therapist, look for someone who has only a handful of ratings. This is because therapy ratings are generally misleading and often dangerous. Here’s why.
Privacy, Ethics, and The Data Minefield
We’re getting better about talking things out, but for many, mental health issues remain taboo. Working internationally, I know that being known as a person who is depressed, anxious, or seeking help can affect your livelihood. You can be passed over for promotions, and families may insist on ending relationships if they discover someone is in therapy.
It’s not fair, but it’s how things are. Decent mental health practitioners do their utmost to ensure privacy. I am focussed on keeping things super private: I do all my own paperwork. My peers worry about this, too. They fire gossiping staff and keep client records inaccessible.
This commitment means we are extremely careful with listings. Contact information is fine, but ratings are tricky because they automatically identify clients.
A happy client may fill out a private feedback form thinking it's anonymous, but a week later, the PR department or some drug company is texting or phoning with special offers. The people who design these systems do it for money; they don’t care about our ethics.
Today, therapists must have online profiles, and that means ratings. Clients expect them. It’s natural because they are focused on finding a good therapist, not on the privacy risks. Because of this, it is now part of our ethics to tell clients how reviews may affect their privacy.
The Problem with Misleading Reviews
The Nature of the Work
Psychology is a blend of art and science. Most clients are happy, but sometimes there is an occasional mismatch. Usually, we adjust the approach or I help the client find a better fit. Very occasionally, someone is unhappy. One-star unhappy. Feeling disappointed is perfectly human.
The truth is, therapy means working with people who are often in deep distress, sometimes dealing with anger, personality disorders, or addiction issues. I handle this with professionalism, care, and a good dose of patience.
For example, a respected colleague had a perfectly proper-looking one-star review that was completely untrue. The client wrote, “he didn’t bother talking to me or listening,” when the case was, “when I demanded drugs, he talked rehab instead of offering to be my supplier.”
There's another issue, too: Con artists coerce and pay for reviews. One of the most notorious con artists in Malaysia has over 100 reviews. He runs his own ‘courses’ and ‘association,’ and if you sign up, you have to rate him at five stars. Because it’s not illegal to pretend to be a psychologist, there’s no stopping him or his friends.
Putting it all together, mental health service reviews are a minefield.
What Can You Do?
To find a safe, ethical practitioner, I suggest:
Avoid extremes: Too many reviews often signals a con artist or a practitioner who prioritizes marketing over client safety. I avoid anyone who nets more than six reviews a year.
Look beyond the stars: Consider that some one-star reviews may be inaccurate and reflect a client’s distress, not the therapist’s competence.
Find their voice: If the number of reviews is reassuringly low, look for a blog or social media account. This lets you see how they think and work.
Test their ethics: Ask if they want a five-star review in the first session. A proper answer would be a cautious thank you, followed by a short chat about the privacy implications. If they don't offer this, run!
How I Work with Ratings
Therapy is about connecting
I finally listed on Google this year, in 2025, and frankly, I agonised over it. I wrote a note about privacy and told my clients about the listing. I was grateful that many shared the listing, and a few wrote reviews.
I see about 60 to 80 different clients a month and I have 6 reviews. I am still in two minds because I’m very invested in privacy, but I can't work unless I have some reviews. So I’m choosing to be grateful.
Originally written in 2022 when I was practising in Malaysia. Updated in 2025 to reflect continuing global privacy and ethics issues in mental health including recent UK data scandals and misuse of client information.
Anxiety is
a feeling of dread that comes from knowing there’s something difficult ahead. Sometimes
it can be an actual event, like an angry customer, an important exam, or a
public speaking event. Anxiety can also pop up just because of a random
thought.
While it’s
normal to feel a touch of anxiety here and there, it can be bothersome. In addition,
anxiety disorders are on the rise.
If you have
anxiety, know you’re not alone! Also, you need not suffer. Anxiety can be upsetting
but there are ways to manage it.
What Is
Anxiety?
Anxiety is
a stress reaction. Mild anxiety typically includes quicker breathing, a rapid heartbeat,
and tense muscles. Moderate and severe anxiety can also make you feel sweaty, give
you an upset stomach, cause rashes and more.
Anxiety can
be really useful, like if you’re about to start an exam, it can help you focus.
But anxiety can also overwhelm–and it can feel bad!
Why Do We
Have Anxiety?
Anxiety is a
stress reaction that comes from your brain and body trying to look after you.
How does
that work? Human beings are optimized to survive.
As a
result, we developed efficient AUTOMATIC survival systems.
Although we’re
not battling giant animals anymore, our brains and bodies have kept the ancient
systems.
How Your Body
Works When Anxious
As your
stress levels rise, your brain preps for disaster. It works to make you quick
and strong.
Peter Weller as RoboCop (1987)
What you
may notice is that your breathing speeds up. Your lungs suck in oxygen and dump
it into your bloodstream. Your heart pumps fast, powering oxygen-rich blood throughout
your body. That oxygen powers your muscles.
What you
don’t notice is that your brain switches off all the systems it doesn’t need for
now: digestion, growth and reproduction.
What you do
notice is that because your body works away, you overheat–so you sweat to cool
yourself down.
Plus, another
thing you don’t consciously notice is that your brain dumps stress chemicals
into your system. They’re designed to make you super sharp and efficient.
Result: you’re
geared up better than RoboCop for trouble. The thing is: there’s no cave bear
to fight.
How to
Manage Anxiety
You can’t
poke your brain with a Q-Tip and tell it to stop.
Luckily,
you can disrupt the auto-system.
Step #1 How
To Breathe To Fight Panic
The key is to
take it really slowly. Inhale through your nose over a count of two or three,
hold your breath for a further count of two or three, and then exhale slowly–yes,
over a count of two or three.
Remember
that at this point your body and brain are trying to hit overdrive. So when you
mess with that, your brain will recalibrate and then put on the brakes.
Step #2
Give It Five Minutes
Getting
your brain to power down will take time.
Take three
or four super slow breaths, then give your body time to get itself together. It
may take up to five or even fifteen minutes.
Here are
some nice ways to distract your mind so your body and brain can get on with the
slow-down back to normal:
·Have
a cup of tea.
·Listen
to some cheerful music.
·Pet
the cat or take the dog for a walk.
Also Step
#2 Engage in Positive Self-Talk
When your
mind goes into overdrive, it can come with negative thoughts. It’s often part
of a stress reaction.
If It’s not
a huge issue for you, all you need to do is to center yourself.
As long as
you’re not a serial killer, you’re probably a perfectly nice person–not perfect,
just all kinds of human.
So an affirmation
is the way to go. Here’s a good one:
What I’m feeling now is merely my automated
system at work. I’m capable and competent. I can handle this.
Take another
slow breath.
Step #3 Finish
With A Focus On The Present
As you go
about petting the cat, Marie Kondo-ing that drawer, or remarking how good your tea
is, your stress thoughts will bounce about for a bit.
When you hear
them slow down and go, focus on the present.
Counting fives
is useful: five colours in the room; five types of square things you see; five
things you’d love to do this weekend.
A nice
steady flow of positive thoughts will help to ground you, keep you from getting
overwhelmed, and push your mind into happier directions.
Final
Thought: When To Seek Therapy For Anxiety
The system
above should help you manage anxiety. It isn’t an immediate slam-dunk, it will
take some practice, but it’s safe, sensible and effective.
To give
yourself an extra boost, do some basic background work to leverage and build
your resilience:
·Surround
yourself with people who love and support you
·Sleep
7 to 8 hours a night
·Eat
lots of fresh food and pile on the vegetables
·Build
daily happiness into your life
But, should
your anxiety interfere with your daily life or upset you, then seeking
help is a sign of strength. Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143for your free 15-minute consultation.
.png "When you're anxious, your body gives you RoboCop powers")