I work with adults, helping them heal from anxiety, depression, abuse, complex PTSD, and stress. While every client’s story is unique, certain patterns come up repeatedly—habits we picked up during a dysfunctional childhood that are still holding us back today.
Here are some thoughts about three common issues that stem from the past, and how to start unlearning them.
Issue 1: The Fear of Failure
If you’re terrified of failure, I would ask if you were punished for it as a child. If you were, you have a learned response; you were literally taught to fear failure.
This is a problem for many reasons, but one of the biggest is that it stops you from learning and growing. All the good stuff in life takes a learning curve, which means you fall off a lot.
The way forward to better mental health is to unlearn this response. The method that works well is slow exposure and positive feedback. Which means you need to work at having little bits of failure and praising yourself madly for it.
Issue 2: The Guilt of Resting
If you feel guilty when you relax, I would ask if you were taught that guilt when you were a child. If you were, you have a learned response; you were literally taught to avoid rest.
This is a problem for many reasons, but one of the biggest is that it messes up your health. To get to the good stuff in life, you have to be rested and pumped with energy.
The way forward to better mental health is to unlearn this response. The method that works well is slow exposure and positive feedback. Which means you need to work at having mini rests and praising yourself madly for it.
Issue 3: The Paralysis of Anger
If the thought of someone being angry paralyses you, I would ask if you were attacked by angry adults when you were a child. Maybe your parents caned you when they were angry. Maybe your parents screamed at you when they were angry. If you were, you have a learned response; you were literally taught to associate anger with violence.
The way forward to better mental health is to unlearn this response. The method that works well is slow exposure and affirming truths. Which means you need to work at being around people who deal ethically with anger and reminding yourself that nobody is allowed to attack you.
It is not easy to recognize that present-day issues come from your past, specifically because it can be taboo to criticize parents and elders. If this is you, please know that you can heal without family participation.
On television, healing is often shown as drama: people talk, confront, and there's all kinds of emotion. In real life, you have lots of different paths, and each can be healing.
Ready to turbocharge your healing? Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation.
