I’ve been working with people healing from anxiety, depression, abuse, complex PTSD and stress full-time for 8 years now. Certain patterns come up repeatedly.
Here are some thoughts about three common issues that come from a dysfunctional childhood.
#Issue 1: If you’re terrified of failure,
I would ask if you were punished for it when you were a child.
If you were, then you have a learned response; you were literally taught to fear failure
This is a problem for many reasons but one of the biggest is that it stops you learning and growing
All the good stuff in life takes a learning curve, which means you fall off a lot
The way forward to better mental health is to unlearn this learned response
The method that works well is slow exposure and positive feedback
Which means you need to work at having little bits of failure and praising yourself madly for it
#Issue 2: If you feel guilty when you relax,
I would ask if you were taught that guilt when you were a child.
If you were, then you have a learned response; you were literally taught to avoid rest
This is a problem for many reasons but one of the biggest is that it messes up your health
To get to the good stuff in life, you have to be rested and pumped with energy
The way forward to better mental health is to unlearn this learned response
The method that works well is slow exposure and positive feedback
Which means you need to work at having mini rests and praising yourself madly for it
#Issue 3: If the thought of someone being angry paralyses you,
I would ask if you were attacked by angry adults when you were a child.
Maybe your parents caned you when they were angry
Maybe your parents screamed at you when they were angry
If you were, then you have a learned response; you were literally taught to associate anger with violence
The way forward to better mental health is to unlearn this learned response
The method that works well is slow exposure and affirming truths
Which means you need to work at being around people who deal ethically with anger and reminding yourself that nobody is allowed to attack you
It is not easy to recognize that present day issues come from your past, specifically because it can be taboo to criticize parents and elders. But if you want positive change, you need to deal with these issues.
I’ll talk more about how in the next few days. In the meantime, if you are looking for a therapist, hire me I’m practical, extremely private, affordable and I work exclusively online via voice and video.
