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| When Holidays Are Problematic |
This month with Christmas, Hannukah, New Year and then Chinese New Year coming up, it’s timely to talk about difficult families.
If you dread seeing family, know you’re not alone. Also, I will outline how you can help yourself.
First, if you feel alone in this, national surveys and studies tell a different story.
In the UK, about 20% of people are estranged from at least one family member, and about 2.7% of young people are estranged from their parents. Link
In the USA, 27% of people are estranged from at least one family member, and about 10% are estranged from a parent or child. Link
In Asian cultures, family bonds are idealised, but reality can be very different. In Malaysia in 2021, two elderly people were abandoned each day. In Singapore and India, governments use laws to force estranged kids to maintain parents. Link
So, if you don’t get along, please know it’s very, very common. People are complicated, and life isn’t Disney.
The secret to surviving holidays is planning. You know your family, and can predict how they’ll operate. Think like a general and work out a battle plan.
Three steps to success:
• Write down triggers, and work on responses. Rehearse so you’re word perfect. Pro tip: this also helps with managing your emotions!
• Know your boundaries. Decide at what point you walk out. Have a safe place set up in advance.
• Focus on self-care rituals before, during, and after the visit.
Start now, so you’re good to go for next month.
I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. If you’d like a personal practical strategy plan, WhatsApp me to book a session.
