"Dear Ellen, what do I do about workplace bullying?"

Want to ask your opinion on office politics. HR not very keen to take action towards the players which create very negative energy. Where the staff can ridiculous fellow colleagues publicly & without any punishment. If you are in my position, what would you do?

Thanks for writing in!  Let’s deal with this in two parts: first, what is bullying and where does it come from and second, why your company isn’t dealing with it.

From Rebeccadevitt0 at Pixabat

Bullying takes many forms but classic systems include these behaviours:

·        Spreading nasty rumours about someone

·        Laughing, jeering and humiliating someone

·        Nasty name calling

·        Yelling at someone, especially in public

·        Not inviting someone to a meeting they should be at

·        Not sharing pertinent information with someone so that they can’t do their jobs properly

Bullying is often a learned behaviour. Kids who go to a school where teachers allow bullies to run wild, will become bullies themselves. Some do so after being victims while others take to it without being victims.

Offices are exactly the same. I’ve seen happy workplaces turn into hells because of one new senior manager coming in and establishing a bully climate. It’s as if bullying is somehow infectious.

Hierarchies are involved too. Studies show that places with a strong top-down hierarchy are more likely to have a bully climate than places that are egalitarian. Let’s face it: the more power a boss has over staff, the more likely abuse is going to take place.

Note: you may want to look at Hofstede’s work here and examine the Power Distance scores for different communities. Power Distance is a form of measuring how top down a hierarchy is. 

 

Malaysia scores 100 compared to India at 77, Iceland at 30 and New Zealand at 22.  So in Malaysia, bosses have lots of power over staff, and this is why we have so many little Napoleons.

I don’t know what you do or what your position is in your company, so I’m going to talk about what can be done and who might be taking the action. Please read it and decide where you fit in.

So, how do you make changes?

Suppose you’re dealing with someone who has only recently started bullying. To affect change, you need to make a list of bullying behaviours, call the bully up on them and explain what the proper behaviour should be.

For example, “Jane, on Wednesday at the weekly meeting, you interrupted Sue. This is not acceptable. We don’t interrupt others. You then laughed at her. This is not acceptable. We do not laugh at others. You then made a nasty remark about her work. This is not acceptable. We promote constructive criticism.”

Then you need to set boundaries and a timeline for improvement. In my experience, a bully can’t be fixed with a single chat or sending them off to a workshop. They will simply give you the nod, and then go straight back to their usual behaviour.

Why is this? Here’s a list:

·        They may not know how to change

·        They may not know exactly what behaviour is okay and what is not

·        They may find bullying rewarding in terms of achieving goals, and they don’t want to give it up

·        They may enjoy bullying because it gives them a sense of power, and they don’t want to give it up

·        They may think that they can defy you

Bullies also often run in packs, so they have plenty of peer support to keep up their unwanted behaviour.

If you want change, you need to provide re-training, supervision that assesses the change, and a timeframe.  Clearly, if the change is not made within the timeframe, you have to let that person go. In other words, the person who demands the change must also have the power of sanctions.

Who does the training?

If the bullying is a consequence of learning, and simply bad communication and/or leadership style, then you can work with someone with common sense who is a good teacher and mentor.

You must have a proper plan in place, though, that includes pinpointing problem behaviour, outlining goal behaviour, describing how you will affect the change, and a timeline for making the changes.

However, if the bullying is a lifelong habit, then you may have a problem.  You see, children from dysfunctional and abusive families are often bullies. 

 

If this is the case with your people, then you need to address the underlying issues. In such families, cruelty, violence and abuse are commonplace. As you might think, this is serious business and you need a qualified therapist to tackle that.

If you are a multinational, you should have properly qualified people on call who can help. If not, you need to find someone and it will require a budget. I’m going to suggest that you don’t do it in-house. 

 

People need to be able to talk freely about very personal, very painful things in their past. They can’t do so if that person is someone they have to work with or see in the office.

Now the second part of the question: why isn’t your company doing something about the bullying?

When bullies invade the workplace, people who are good at their job simply leave and go and work elsewhere. Those who stay become less effective because of the poisonous atmosphere. In other words: bullies are very bad for business.

So why do companies allow bullies to flourish?

Some do so because they’re not interested in people. If the bullies contribute to the bottom line, the company doesn’t care how they do it. They don’t care about high employee turnover, either. If this is your company, I suggest you leave and find nicer people to work with.

Some won’t confront bullies because they’re afraid. Bullies work by intimidating people (remember the list of how they work?) and sometimes even senior people are too scared to stand up to them. That’s a problem.

If you think the place is worth saving, and you have some standing in the company, you need to create a team atmosphere. Build a core of good people who support one another. Then work to deal with bullying by documenting and reporting.

Some don’t tackle it because they’re not good at their jobs. Senior managers are human, and they’re not all in their jobs because they’re capable. If this is the case in your company, you need to document and report.

How do you document? Document incidents together with times, dates and witnesses. Tip: you might use the list of bullying behaviours at the top of this response. Put it all together in a report and go and see the manager responsible (or HR depending on how your company works).

When you report, do not take the bully with you!  Do not take victims with you!  As bullies intimidate victims, and victims are often horribly humiliated by the whole situation, you need to talk quietly, openly and rationally about the situation with someone who has the power and authority to address the issue.

Good luck and let me know what happens.

Have a question?  During November 2016 I'm offering a free agony aunt service. Email me!  

"Dear Ellen, My friend doesn't make sense..."

Hi Ellen

I need to ask your opinion on this issue I have with a friend. I'm just clueless on how to help her. I'm not close to her but her recent live videos on fb has been disturbing. So my other 2 friends and I feel like helping. Her family doesn't know what to do. So your advice, I'll pass it on to her mom n dad.

The videos don't make sense. It disturbs everyone who cares I guess. And for some it's like a live drama. At first we saw as funny n we kinda laughed about it coz it doesn't make sense.

She got dumped so at first we thought all this was her own way of getting attention.

But recently it's weirder. Just a few days ago a company was circulating her ic and statement about her wandering around. Carrying luggage n keep waiting for someone n she doesn't carry money.

She posted a video where a restaurant didn't allow her to eat if she didn't pay first. And security was there. Also she was at a shopping mall and security didn't allow her in. She is running around saying that a man has been caught under black magic and went off with an Indonesian girl that looks like her.

So we aren't sure what's going on as her family have no idea how to get her back. That's the complicated part. Her parents ask my friends and I to help bring her back. As we have never dealt with such a thing before... not sure how to approach her.

I believe she needs counseling or therapy.

I’m so sorry to hear this. If your friend is irrational, meaning she's not living in the real world, she needs to see a psychiatrist, a medical doctor who specialises in mental health problems.

There are a range of conditions that can cause this kind of behaviour, and very often it needs some kind of medical treatment to get someone back on track again. Counselling or therapy is something that will come later.

Hopefully you can get her to listen to you. If so, you need to go to a public hospital, in KL the University Hospital is excellent, as an emergency patient. They will assess her and make suggestions about treatment.

Do be careful.  Delusions are very frightening, and your friend is likely going to be scared. Be gentle talking her into going for assessment.

If she won't go, there's a problem because we can't just force adults to do things. If she isn't seeing she needs care, then her family might consult a lawyer to see what the proper procedure is.

Alternatively, and this would be my first move, I would go to your local police station.  Speak to whoever is in charge and ask what normally happens.

The reason I suggest the police is because I once had neighbours who had a son who was mentally ill. He went off his meds, and got into trouble.  The police came round to pick him up and take him to hospital, to the psychiatric unit.

The police were super nice, very gentle, and awfully good about the whole procedure. The university hospital was excellent too. They kept him in a few days, until the meds kicked in, and then released him.

Also, let me make a few discrete calls to find out what others recommend. (I made some phone calls here)

Good news!  Apparently University Malaya Hospital might be able to help too.  Your friend’s parents need to call the direct line, explain what's going on and take it from there.

Do let me know what happens, please. I hope she's safe and gets proper treatment.

Have a question?  During November 2016 I'm offering a free agony aunt service. (NOW CLOSED)

 

Ready to be your best self and live your best life? Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation. 

 

"Dear Ellen, I caught my son with his hands down his pants..."

Normal behaviour but upsetting

"I caught my son with his hands down his pants. He's 5 yo. How do I stop him? I feel so guilty that he's doing this."

Kids aren't my field but I'm going to answer this on the basis of developmental psychology.

First of all, what do you remember from when you're five? My bet is not very much.

When we are little, we're more about doing than thinking. Kids explore and do what they enjoy. It's why they clamour for ice-cream, back scratches or a million other things. Your little boy discovered that touching his willy is pleasurable, so he does so.

You say you feel guilty and at a guess, I'm thinking you're attributing all kinds of labels that apply to adults who have mental health problems like exhibitionism. The thing is, your little son is not an adult. He's five years old, innocent and he has no idea about our taboos and shibboleths.

Most little boys and girls do play with themselves, bouncing on bicycles, rubbing up against things. Typical ages for this run from 2 to 6 years old. Ask other mums and you'll hear plenty of stories. Normally it's just a phase and they grow out of it.

Note: in some cases, the phase turns into an obsession. It's unusual and it can be rooted in boredom as well as anxiety and depression. If this happens, you should have a chat with someone who specialises in child psychology. Again, it's not a sign of moral depravity but rather a comfort seeking response because of something else going on. So it's nothing to be ashamed about but you might seek some help.

From your note I have the impression your boy isn't obsessed. However, when this is part of normal development, it's a good opportunity to explain about privacy. "Sweetie, that part of you is private. Like you go to the bathroom for pee-pee, touching that part of you is not for everyone to see."

That will help him learn about limits in a safe and natural way, and it will help you talk him out of touching himself when you've a house full of visitors.

In the meantime, try not to stress or shout from frustration. Little kids aren't complex thinkers but they are ace at emotion. So he'll see you're upset and not really understand why. He'll also feel bad about himself and for a little one that's a heartbreaking experience.

Also, avoid well-meaning others butting in with frightening tales like, "Your hands will fall off!" Scare tactics are damaging and must be avoided. 

Now, about you. You say you feel guilty and that worries me.

Mums are under tremendous pressure. From what I see, you're supposed to sing while hypnobirthing, breastfeed for umpteen years, and then raise a clean-eating kid who gets straight As from pre-kindy onwards. And in your spare time you're to be a sexy, nurturing kitchen and bedroom goddess.

Please take a moment to stand back and recognise this is a load of bollocks. You're a loving mum and you're raising a boy while holding down a job. That's not easy. Take a break and realise what impossible standards are about. Be kind to yourself and enjoy watching your little boy grow up.

Have a question?  During November 2016 I'm offering a free agony aunt service. NOW CLOSED

Ready to be your best self and live your best life? Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation. 

 

"Dear Ellen, if he wants kids and I don't, should we marry?"

Do we want kids?

Hi Ellen, Saw your post. Question: if he wants kids and I don't, should we marry?

Man, that's a good one! Since the development of reliable birth control in the 1950s, some people have opted out of having children. I’m very grateful we have such choices. However, when couples are on opposite sides of this question, it’s a problem.

Women are often told that we have a mothering instinct that will somehow kick in when we need it. This leads people to say, "Just get married and you'll change your mind." You're Malaysian, so my bet is that this will be very familiar!

However, from what I see, parents don't always love their kids. There are plenty of women who have them because of social pressures and who then discover that they don't actually like them. Men find themselves in exactly the same position!

Parents who are less than enthusiastic about their offspring often do the decent thing and do their best to give their kids a good start in life. They might build good relationships too as the kids grow older. But some mums and dads walk away, which is why our orphanages shelter kids who have one or two living parents. That is a disaster for the kids.

You're thinking ahead so kudos for that! The bottom line is that the question of kids is a deal breaker. If one partner wants them and the other not, you both risk lifelong regret. 

Should you go off and search for someone who more closely shares your needs? I'd say that depends.

You say you don't want kids, and I think you should explore what exactly you mean by this.

If you don't like babies or children, and the idea of spending years living with them is just horrendous, then you're probably not going to be a good mum or much fun to be around if you cave and have them. I’ve seen people in this situation, and it’s unhappy to say the least.  Some of these situations have ended with the mums leaving the relationship and the fathers becoming single dads.

But if you actually quite like babies and kids, and you don't want them because you’d rather have a career, then you can do a deal with your man. It means you carrying the child and having it, and then it will be you earning the salary and working long hours while he takes a career break and rushes around with dirty nappies, cooking dinner, organising school busses and so on. I know of several families who have done this, and it’s worked out happily.

I suggest you have several long talks with your man and see where you both stand. Think it through from all perspectives, perhaps starting off with these basic viewpoints:

1. What happens if you have kids and you maintain the common social roles where you’re the primary caregiver? How do you feel? What will life be like for you individually and together?

2. What happens if you don't have kids? How do you feel? What will life be like for you individually and together?

3. What if you have them but he is the primary caregiver? How do you feel? What will life be like for you individually and together?

Once you have your needs worked out, you can both make an informed decision.

Thanks for writing in and hope this helps.

Have a question?  During November 2016 I'm offering a free agony aunt service. Now closed

Ready to be your best self and live your best life? Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation. 

Free agony aunt service for November 2016

This image courtesy of Gerd Altmann on pixabay

Over November 2016, I'd like to offer a free agony aunt service. You can email me, and I'll post your letter and my reply on this blog.  I'll give you a pseudonym so nobody will know who you are!

My strengths are stress, depression and relocation, but if you have an issue with a different focus, I will do my best to answer.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Ellen

Ready to be your best self and live your best life? Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation.

Feeling depressed? What You Should Do Before Seeing A Therapist...And A Tip On Avoiding Crooks

If you call me up, one of the first things I’ll ask you is if you’ve had a medical checkup recently.  If you haven’t, I’ll suggest you see your family doctor. Why?  Because depression can be a side effect of a medical issue.

Almost everyone I know is feeling stressed these days. The economy is bad, money is tight and most people are trying to fit a job, a family, and a personal life into too few hours.

It makes sense therefore to put down any feelings of depression to stress, anxiety and other problems.  

However, depression can have its roots in medical issues.  

Take a look at this list:

#1 Depression can be a side-effect of taking medicines used to treat acne, asthma, high blood pressure, HIV and other conditions. Even some birth control systems are linked to depression now. 

#2 Depression can be the result of pain, even low-level pain. Exactly how this works is unclear, but if you have had an accident, have back pain, arthritis or some other condition that hurts, be aware that it can have a mental health effect too.

#3 When your thyroid, a gland in your neck, isn’t working properly, you may feel tired and depressed. Other symptoms can include constipation, rough hair and skin, muscle pain, problems with your weight and feeling the cold. It’s easily diagnosed and treated by your doctor.

#4 Although the links are uncertain, there is some evidence that diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, kidney disease, HIV/AIDS, lupus, and multiple sclerosis (MS) may put you at greater risk of depression. 

#5 If you’re on a diet, or you have diarrhea, you may be missing nutrients and this can lead to depression. Chugging supplements may not be the best solution, either.

Supposing you do go and see your doctor and you discover a medical issue, does that mean you don’t need to see a therapist?  As usual, the answer is maybe.

Take the thyroid problem, which is quite common. For some people, taking the meds to fix their thyroid means their depression about their micromanaging boss, their hassles with Great Aunt Judy and their angst ridden teenage son suddenly become manageable.

They did have stresses in their lives, but they find the thyroid malfunction has been sapping their usual bounce and confidence.  Once that’s fixed, they’re good to go.

Others find that when the thyroid is fixed, they still need help to cope with the boss, the aunt and the teenager. So they need the meds and a therapist to help them make effective changes.

The bottom line is this: every person is different, every case is different so the idea is that you get as much information as you can so that you can make an informed decision and take the action that works out best for you.

 

Seen your doctor and not sure if you want to pop a pill or go for therapy? Click here

Now, about avoiding those crooks.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors specialising in mental health, so they do medical tests.

 

Therapists, counsellors, and psychologists are not medical doctors, so we do not do medical tests. 

 

(Disclaimer: yes, some therapists have PhDs and are called doctor but they're not medical doctors. And some medical doctors do not become psychiatrists but become therapists instead - but it's super rare! As rare as albino crocodiles.)

 

A therapist, counsellor or psychologist will never do pee or other medical tests. If we think you need it, we suggest you go and see your regular doctor. There’s no need to be fancy - just go and see someone sensible, tell them you’re depressed and ask them to check if there’s maybe a medical cause.

Crooks will demand you do in-house pee tests (and some really cheeky beggars hire nurses to do blood tests!) and while they’re gleefully adding charges to your bill, they talk grandiosely about your results. Super nasty ones then sell you supplements too, promising amazing results.

In short, seeing your family doctor before you see a therapist is sensible and if you see a psychiatrist, you’re in safe hands too. But if a non-medical doctor wants to do medical tests, my advice is don’t walk - RUN! 

Still hesitating about your options? Click here to read about Self-help vs. Professional Help: Knowing When to Call In the Mental Health Expert 

And if you've come to a decision and you want a therapist, reach out and text me.  

 

Visualisation, Meditation, And Mindfulness In Therapy

We build happiness, step by step

This is a 4 min read, so sit back and relax, okay?

 

If we haven't met yet, I'm Ellen Whyte, BSc Psych (Hons), MCouns (Dist), a psychotherapist with 10 years of experience helping clients across 20+ countries navigate life's challenges and thrive. 

Most people who see me come out of desperation.  They’re depressed, anxious and stressed.  

 

To complicate matters, many suffer from guilt. They think that it’s “weak” to ask for help or that they’ve somehow brought their troubles onto themselves. 

Let me say right away that I think it’s perfectly sensible to ask for help.  After all, when your car isn’t right, you talk to a mechanic.  If your shoe’s leaking, you talk to a cobbler. So when you’re not yourself, why not ask a therapist for an opinion?  Sensible, right?  Right!

So once we get that out of the way, we start discussing what’s going on. Although it varies from case to case, a typical assessment with me takes about two hours and includes:

·        A suicide inventory

·        A depression inventory

·        A stress inventory

·        A discussion on sleep history

·        A discussion of personal health

·        A discussion of family health

·        A discussion about your attitudes and needs from therapy

At the end of it, I will give you a quick overview of my first impressions.  Then I go off and analyse everything in detail.  I spend a couple of days drawing up a personal plan for you that explains where you are, identifies your goals, and that sets out in detail the steps that have to be taken to get to your goals.

On paper that all sounds okay but in practice it means that between your emailing me to say, “Help!  I need you, NOW!” and actually getting down to getting a plan in place takes time.

Not nice when you’re already stressed.

So when we talk the first time, I often teach a simple relaxation technique called visualisation. It’s designed to help get you started into managing your stress and depression easily and quickly.

What is visualisation?

Visualisation is about forming a mental image. I ask clients to remember a time when they were particularly calm or happy.  We discuss that incidence, and then rebuild the scene, complete with scents, sounds, textures and actions.

They close their eyes, and we talk ourselves into the scene. I usually make a tape and send it to them, so that they can start off listening to it.  Over time, they become practiced and can pull up the image effortlessly when they feel stressed.

Visualisation is not the same as mindfulness or meditation. Visualisation is just about recreating a mental image of a time and place.

Mindfulness is about focusing on the now, opening your sense, and acknowledging and accepting your feelings and thoughts.

Meditation is like mindfulness, but it’s more focussed on a specific goal, like building compassion. Often it comes with prescribed systems of thought.

Mystic mumbojumbo

Now, as I said last time, I’m an evidence-based practitioner so you may be wondering why I’m promoting a technique like visualisation that appears to come straight from the mystic.

I’ve always been interested in how meditation and prayer affect the mind. In fact, I have a certificate in clinical hypnotherapy, something I picked up hoping to discover more about the process. 

Unfortunately the course I took didn’t work out too well.  I was hoping to learn about modern research such as the magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) studies by people like Sara Lazar from Harvard University. Sadly, what we got was mostly gobbledegook and pseudoscience.

You’d think from all the press about how wonderful mindfulness is that there’s some good studies out there validating the claims made every day in articles.  However, that is not the case.

I’m not going to bore you with a laundry list, but here are my three top concerns about current literature on the subject.

1. Too small. Many studies that promote meditation and mindfulness are very small, typically with less than 30 people. This means that meaningful statistical analysis of results is extremely difficult.

2. No control groups. There are too many studies without control groups. In a proper study, half the people would use meditation or mindfulness and the other half not. It’s the best way to rate effectiveness.

3. Bad design. A lot of studies don’t actually study the effects of mindfulness or meditation.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a standard technique used for depression management. CBT involves analysing patterns of thoughts and behaviour. The idea is that you have beliefs that influence your thoughts and these prompt action.

Put in a nutshell, CBT works like this:

When you come in for therapy you’re like this

Belief: wasps are dangerous,

Thought when you see a wasp: this dangerous beast will sting me,

Behaviour: run away.

With therapy you change this to

Belief: wasps are nature’s most effective guardians, killing off pests,

Thought when you see a wasp: this is a beautiful and useful animal,

Behaviour: say “Awwwwww, cute!” and admire the wasp.

I ought to be shot for reducing CBT in this way, but for our purposes, it’s good enough.  You can read a proper article about how CBT works here

From what I see, many studies investigating the use of meditation and mindfulness use plain old CBT and throw in a bit of meditation. The study then says it’s testing the meditation and mindfulness - ignoring the possibility that it’s good old-fashioned therapy that’s working and the rest is just glam and glitter.

Having said that, there are a few studies that are well designed, and well conducted, that hint at some promising ideas.

One of these is the Harvard study I mentioned earlier.  You can read it here but basically the study looked at two groups, one that took a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course and one that didn’t.  MRIs showed that the group who took the course ended up boosting grey matter concentration in their hippocampus, an area of the brain that’s associated with emotional control. 

Another good study (read it here) comparing 22 people who practised meditation and 22 people as the control group found similar results.

There are a few more, but really not enough to say there’s rock solid evidence, However, it’s interesting and I’m curious about further work in this area. After all, emotional control is central to managing depression and stress.

Dangers of meditation and mindfulness

You might ask why I don’t just chuck in mindfulness on top of CBT and be done with it. The problem is that other studies have found that meditation and mindfulness can be dangerous and that some practitioners say that it’s often misrepresented or misunderstood.  You can read about that here and here

This makes perfect sense to me. You see, depression and stress tend to cause cognitive biases, a fancy way of saying that it messes with your mind.

People who are depressed and stressed typically focus more on the negative rather than the positive. You’ve seen this yourself: when nine good things happen, someone who is down focuses on the one thing that went wrong.

Another by-product is feeling that you’re somehow secretly a bad person.  Also, many people feel there’s a devil on their shoulder, whispering that everyone hates them.

As you might expect, when you ask someone who’s already feeling bad to focus on the “true inner you” for an hour you’re not going to have them coming back to you and saying, “I’m a wonderful human being and I love all my precious flaws”.  What you’re much more likely to get is a self hating wreck who’s just remembered every mistake they’ve ever made in their lives. Possibly a suicidal wreck.

This effect is well discussed in rumination studies. You can read an overview of that here.

Another concern I have about mindfulness and meditation is that if you’re studying the kind that leads to distancing yourself, you might miss the opportunity for analysing and understanding your emotions and therefore miss the opportunity to manage them better. I haven’t seen good studies on this, but it’s something I worry about.

So what’s the bottom line?

Generally speaking, I see Buddhists and Hindus in Malaysia work rather carefully with this subject. Those who are devout do talk about the different types of systems, and they discuss methods that should be avoided if you’re stressed or depressed. Frankly, I don’t know enough about the ins and outs of it to comment at that level of detail.

While I’m interested in mindfulness and meditation, as I’ve said before, I’m an atheist so the prayer part of certain meditation systems pass me by.  I’m also not a spiritual person.  I tend to be practical. I’m telling you this because you should know my limitations.

So if you’re not yourself, I would err on the side of caution and suggest you avoid any kind of meditation or mindfulness that encourages rumination.

However, I think that a little short visualisation of a pleasant scene or image can’t do any harm. It’s the equivalent of looking at a sunset, or of eating an ice-cream.

Finally, there’s a cross-cultural element at work here. For my clients who come from the Middle East and Asia, visualisation is familiar and comforting. It also comes naturally, so it’s already part of their mental health toolbox.

For me, therapy is about helping people make effective change to reach their goals.  It should be safe and as painless as possible.   

 

However, it’s not always easy to make decisions about approaches. That is why I discuss the pros and cons with clients whom I think will benefit before we get into it. Then I let them decide what they want to do.

Ready to be the best you and live your best life? Message me today via email ellen.whyte@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +44 7514 408143 for your free 15-minute consultation.