Monday, January 25, 2021

How Secret Are Sessions, and What Else Should I Know? Ready My Therapy Agreement

When you see a therapist, the paperwork can be overwhelming—or non-existent. I aim for clarity without the jargon.

I believe in informed consent: you should know what to expect, what’s private, and what happens in a crisis. We’ll go over the basics before we start, then I’ll send you this simple agreement so everything’s clear.

Important: Many big organisations sell or share your data without telling you. Click here to read how and why.

(Updated 23 June 2025. Occasionally I work with older teens—there’s a separate agreement for that. This version is a guide and may be updated.)

Therapy Agreement

Benefits and Risks of Therapy

Therapy is about helping promote understanding as well as healing and change. Therapy can help you like yourself more, understand and improve relationships, cope with stress and many other issues. However, talking about problems or remembering bad times can also be uncomfortable.

Therapy is not cut and dried.  Also, as satisfaction is a personal experience, it’s part of ethics to warn that outcomes are not guaranteed.

Furthermore, as therapy is a personal experience, it typically takes time before we learn to understand each other. So please don’t expect instant change.

Open communication is the bedrock of success.

If you want to change your goals or try another approach, just say so. Being flexible and adapting are part of therapy. In addition, if we talk regularly, I will ask for feedback on our sessions. Just say what you think. It all goes into maximising the process for your benefit.

Age and Consent

I work with adults, so you must be over 18 years of age. 

Notes

When we talk, we exchange a lot of information.  You will see me take notes. This is because I check our progress before and after we speak.

The notes are secret – but not from you. We are working together and so I share bits of the notes as we speak. Afterwards, I will send you all the notes along with the invoice.

If you are concerned that notes may violate your privacy or constitute a danger, and you don’t want me to take them or for you to receive them, I can do that too.

Confidentiality

I am invested in your privacy. You should know that:

·         I have an up-to-date firewall and anti-virus system in place

·         I keep my notes offline; I do not use cloud services

·         My backups are on an external hard drive, not on a server

·         I do not use therapy goal tracking software or apps

On your end, I suggest that to maintain your privacy, you avoid company phones and email; use your own private phone and email. But hey, if you want to share your journey with others, go ahead! I will be private about you, but you choose your own privacy path.

Exceptions to confidentiality

My first duty is to you. I look after your interests first. I also strive to guard your privacy. However, there are a handful of exceptions.

Active danger

·         If I believe you are actively suicidal, or

·         If I believe you will try and hurt someone else.

I must prevent deadly danger and serious harm to you and others. This is why we appoint an emergency contact.  Should you become dangerous to yourself or to others, we ask your emergency contact to help. 

Ideally, we see a crisis coming and we work out a plan together that gets you the help and support you need. Where possible, you and I talk to your emergency contact together.  

However, should you refuse, and should I deem there to be active danger, I will contact your emergency contact without your permission.

Should they not respond, I will take whatever action I deem suitable to prevent harm.

Third party disclosure.  Sometimes you may want me to talk to third parties like your doctor, lecturer, HR etc. I will not. The one thing I will do is write a letter for your medical doctor. I send it to you, and then you decide if you want to share it.

Legal enquiries.  If the police or a court judge demand information about our sessions, I will consult my legal team. I will only break privacy if they advise me to respond.

How We Talk

We talk over online voice or video WhatsApp, Messenger, Teams or Google Meet.  You pick what works best for you.

As services change, I reserve the right to add and drop methods. I will always do my best to ensure there’s a service that works for you. However, should your country block all access, our therapy relationship stops.

Our sessions are intensive, and there should be no interruptions. While we talk, our phones are off.

Be on time! Also, do not talk to me from bed. This is a professional session. Be up and dressed.

During office hours I will answer texts and email as soon as I can. Should you text me after hours, I will respond the next working day.

While I’m okay with a very short note or check-in outside of sessions, I do not offer a text-based therapy service. I also don’t read diaries, documentation etc outside of sessions. I keep my prices as low as possible, but I don’t work for free.

Scheduling Sessions

We schedule sessions in advance, either via text or email. We can also book ahead at the end of a session.

If you must cancel, do so at least 48 hours before our session. If you do not cancel in time, I will charge for the session.

You can email me at ellen.whyte@gmail.com and you can send me an SMS or WhatsApp to +44 751 440 8143. 

In the event of a lightning strike or other issue that kills our internet connection, I will use mobile data and communicate over WhatsApp. If you’re in a non-WhatsApp country, I can use Teams, Messenger, Telegram or other system.

Mid Therapy Termination

If you decide this isn’t working for you, or you’ve changed your mind, that’s perfectly okay. I have no set minimum or maximum sessions; it’s pay as you go.

There are no termination fees.  You also keep the notes so you can work with someone else.

You can tell me you’re not coming back, or that you’re taking a break, or you don’t have to tell me at all. You are an adult and you make your own decisions. It’s entirely up to you.

Although it’s a very rare event, I sometimes call a halt to a therapy relationship. I do this if:

·         I think you need to see a different professional.

·         I think you're not interested in the sessions.

·         You cancel too often, turn up late too often or are on your phone with others.

 

Fees

First 15-to-20-minute consultation: free

Notes service: free

Session: £45 to be paid by direct deposit to Halifax Bank, by Wise or PayPal.

I invoice immediately after the session. Please pay promptly on the day I invoice.

I love my work but will not be involved in hassles over payment. If you decide not to pay after a session, our relationship ends.

Fee Increases and Other Changes

I believe in affordable therapy but when my costs increase, so do my fees. From time to time, I also change my day off.  Whatever changes I make, I will give notice.

Note: when my fees increase existing clients typically get a discounted rate. However, you maintain their discount for one year only. If you have a gap between sessions that is longer than one year, I treat you as a new client. This means you lose your discount.

Insurance and Court Cases

Aside from a letter for a medical doctor, I will not be involved in outside paperwork. I do not work with insurance companies, HR, tribunals, or court cases.

Extensive paperwork, travel time, prepping, and constantly changing official schedules are too difficult for a single private practitioner. So if you want sessions to use for your divorce, custody, sexual harassment or other case, I am not the person for you. 

Complaints

I take ethical issues extremely seriously. If you think I am not following the ethics of my profession, talk to me.

You can also contact one of my professional associations. I belong to various groups, so check my website.  If you lodge a formal complaint, please note that I must immediately stop working with you. Also, you give up your privacy. I will hand over the notes to my legal team with instructions to use them as necessary. My professional organisations may also be given copies of your notes. As these parties may store, share, or publish your notes, this will have privacy implications.

I have had the opportunity to discuss any questions I have about this information and I agree to the terms.


 

Monday, December 21, 2020

I’m Practicing A Load Of Joyful Self-Care For Christmas

Well, this isn’t how I hoped Christmas would be. The news from all over is sucky. Hopefully the vaccines will soon put an end to this pandemic. I’m practicing a load of joyful self-care this week and thought I’d share.

Filing and painting my nails while watching reruns of Charmed. OMG, some of those plotlines are just FULL of holes!  And still love it.

Treat. I have bought every Christmas treat under the sun and am making my way through them, one at a time. It’s totally awesome. Evil, wicked, decadent – by January, I’ll have just ten teeth left 😊

Voice calling friends. Video is exhausting but voice means we can catch up and have a giggle.

I’ve ditched group chat and calls. I’m doing one on one because group chatter is just too difficult. It’s okay for business meetings but it sucks for personal.

Old fave film marathons, with snacks. Last week we watched the 2s: Predator 2, Terminator 2 and Aliens. This week we’re doing LA films: Repo Man, Point Break and Escape from LA

Playing with Tic Tac, petting Target and helping Swooner by repairing his favourite ‘bockses’. Cats rule.

Face scrub, clay mask and that goopy stuff in my hair. It involves jumping in and out of the shower for an hour, but I’m coming out sparkly new. And Target likes playing with the soapy stuff draining away.

Turning out a cupboard for recycle, chuck out and gift. Some outdated textbooks got the heave-ho and the kids down the street loved the animal encyclopedia.

Experimental black and white film marathons. Yesterday we watched three halves of terrible films! Totally, truly sucky. And we had a blast, laughing at how dreadful they were. We’ve also come across some totally fantastic films, like Lady in the Lake (1947)

Cooking up unusual dishes, like turning some solid pears in sauce, stuffing pastry with chicken and mushroom herby stuff, and working with fresh cilantro.

Ran in and out of Mr DIY and bought a load of photo frames. Am now going through the bag of old pics. Fun!

And finally, editing and uploading my books, fiddling about with blurbs. This may seem like work from the outside, but my fiction writing is exercising the inner me. I am hugging my inner Sith Lord with a new story too.

Wherever you are, I hope you are safe and well. Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas

Image by Angeles Balaguer from Pixabay

Monday, November 30, 2020

Grab this for free! -> Reaching Out: Your Easy Guide to Finding Affordable Quality Online Therapy by Ellen Whyte and Alvin Ng Lai Oon

Download for free from Kobo, Google Play, Apple, Amazon and more shops 

Reaching Out, a free book

Reaching out for online mental health support but not sure where to start? Reaching Out is the guide for you!

Packed with useful information, and written in everyday English, Reaching Out will help you make informed decisions.

This short, easy text answers common questions such as:
•When is working online totally terrific and when should I avoid it?
•Should I look for a psychiatrist, psychologist, or some other mental health practitioner? What do all the titles mean anyway?
•How can I tell who’s professional and who is out to scam me?
•How secret are sessions?
•Do I need fancy software or can I just Zoom?
•How do I pick the right person to work with?
•Do culture and shared experience matter?
•What do I need to do to get the most out of therapy?

This practical guide is written by an academic and a practitioner, so you benefit from a wide perspective.

Dr Alvin Ng is a professor of psychology, the Founding President of the Malaysian Society of Clinical Psychology, and the author of journal articles and scientific publications.

Ellen Whyte is a Scottish-Dutch counselling psychologist in Malaysia. She has an international practice with clients based in Southeast Asia, the Middle East, and North America.

As Alvin and Ellen take you through the basics, they also offer individual comments and insights. Sometimes they disagree!

Finally, while Alvin and Ellen are based in Malaysia, they write for an international audience. So, take advantage of global online therapy services, and read Reaching Out.

Download for free from Kobo, Google Play, Apple, Amazon and more shops 

Monday, October 26, 2020

Intervention or Bullying? How to Tell When It’s Not Really Support

When you feel attacked and small, it's bullying Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
When you feel attacked and small, it's bullying

People who bully sometimes claim they’re helping you.
They’ll say it’s an intervention — that you need to be “called out” or “shown the truth.” And because they frame it that way, you’re expected to be grateful. If you protest or disagree, you’re the problem.

This kind of emotional manipulation can wreck your self-trust.

Sherry’s Story

Sherry is a schoolteacher. She’s kind, competent, and as her job is intensive, she likes quiet weekends where she cooks, reads books and pets her cats, Winston and Boots. Her job is people-heavy, and she needs her downtime.

But a few colleagues didn’t like that.

They cornered her one afternoon and said she was “damaging team cohesion” by not coming to their socials. They claimed they were just “looking out for her” and wanted to give her a chance to reflect.
They didn’t ask how she was. They didn’t listen. They just took turns criticising.

She left feeling small, ashamed, and confused.

That’s Not an Intervention — That’s Group Control

Group abuse often comes disguised as concern. It may look like this:

  • You’re outnumbered
  • The tone is “we’re worried about you,” but the message is: “You need to change for us”
  • You’re not invited to explain — you’re expected to submit

It’s designed to overwhelm and isolate. And it usually happens in a setting they control — their turf, their terms, their story.

📌 Sociologists call this “mobbing” — when a group singles out and pressures an individual, often under the guise of moral or social correction.

The Psychological Fallout

You go home and start asking:

  • Were they right?
  • Am I selfish or cold?
  • Maybe I really am difficult…

They’ve thrown your self-image into doubt. It’s a power move — and one that erodes your confidence.

What Real Interventions Look Like

A genuine intervention is rare — and it’s structured. It’s usually led by a trained professional and focuses on a serious crisis (like addiction or harm).

It involves:

  • Clarity of purpose (e.g. safety, urgent health risk)
  • Respect for the person involved
  • Support, not punishment

If you leave the conversation feeling heard — even if it’s tough — it might have been real.
If you leave feeling ambushed, silenced, or ashamed, it wasn’t.

You’re Allowed to Set Limits

You don’t have to accept bullying disguised as “help.”

You’re not a team problem because you value rest. You’re not broken because you need boundaries.
And you are allowed to walk away from any conversation that’s a trap in disguise.

📩 Need help untangling someone else’s version of you from the truth? I offer therapy online, £45/hour. Email ellen.whyte@gmail.com — no pressure, no nonsense.