Hard Work, Not Hugs - Therapy Isn’t for Amateurs

 

“Anyone can be a therapist. It’s just listening and nodding.”

I see comments like this all the time. I get it. Few people know that you can’t do the job with just a basic degree.

So, let me break it down.

I’m a Level 7 Psychotherapist and Counsellor – here’s what it took to get here:

BSc Psychology (Hons) – Four Years
A deep dive into cognitive, individual, and social psychology, neuroscience, animal behaviour, philosophy of psychology, plus statistics and research methods.

I did an extra honours year, conducting research and writing a thesis.

BScs are fab but they don’t train you to work with people. For that, you need:

Masters in Counselling (Dist) – Three Years
Theory, techniques, assessment, ethics, statistics, and more.

It concluded with the Supervised Practicum—a fancy way to describe supervised fieldwork.

I did mine in three places:

All Women’s Action Malaysia (AWAM)
    – abuse, domestic violence, rape, incest, sexual harassment, trauma
Dresser-Rand-Siemens
    – career stress, cross-cultural issues, mental health during layoffs
Asia Pacific University (APU)
    – international students/staff with anxiety, depression, loneliness, growth 

I took an extra course in Online Therapy and Counselling because this wasn’t covered in universities yet.

I now have an added 9+ years of experience in my private practice. But I still study. I read newly published studies every week.

Funnily enough, I do have a few clients who ask very specifically for listening and nodding.

Most though hire me to help them manage support or recovery from abuse, bullying, stress, tricky divorces, cross-cultural moves, rape, trafficking, depression, anxiety, c-PTSD and other challenges.

It’s hard work. Intense at times. But I love it. It’s what I trained for.

This is what qualified looks like.
And I’m proud of it.

Also, my clients get better!  Several of them are graduating this month, so I have spots coming up in August. 

I am quitting the BACP to protect your privacy. How SCoPEd will kill privacy and triple therapy costs

I quit

As a psychotherapist with a masters in counselling (distinction) and psychology degree (honours), I've spent ten years building an international practice across 20+ countries. One-third of my clients are LGBTQ in places where that carries a death sentence. I have Muslim clients who are secretly atheist. Others are escaping dangerous relationships or high-stakes situations where privacy isn't just preferred—it's survival.

Recently, UK mental health associations introduced SCoPEd with new supervision requirements that fundamentally compromise client privacy. 
 

Despite my qualifications and ten years of practice, these new rules require me to share client notes and pay £40–£180 to discuss them with another therapist. Plus £422 extra for registration fees. 

 

I've been given two rules now, one says 18 hours per year minimum, and one that says 1 hour for every 10 hours worked. So minimum £2500 and maybe triple that. Eye-watering, isn't it?

But the cost alone is outrageous—the privacy issue is worse.

Why "Anonymised" Notes Aren't Safe

These associations claim 'anonymised' notes protect privacy. The evidence suggests otherwise.

Organisations cannot be trusted to secure your privacy. Aside from cyberattacks, security leaks, and the therapists who think that leaving a client name off makes it 'anonymous', there are active bad actors.
 

Health Assured—a BACP-endorsed provider—let corporate clients eavesdrop on therapy sessions. Managers could listen to employee therapy sessions in real-time without the client's knowledge. 

 

In the US, BetterHelp was fined $7.8 million for selling client data to Facebook, Instagram and more.
 

So "anonymised" isn't safe—especially when you're dealing with small communities or niche situations where details alone can identify someone.

The Professional Politics Behind This

The BACP imposed these rules in February 2023 without member consultation. Members left. Board members left, including the deputy who resigned in protest. The new leadership is putting profit over member concerns.

If I don't pay up, the BACP lumps me in with diploma holders so I look unqualified. The other associations are the same now. 

 

What This Means for You

When your clients include LGBTQ individuals in countries with death penalties, senior executives who can't risk career damage, or people escaping abusive relationships, 'anonymised' supervision isn't just inadequate—it's dangerous.

My clients are private. I don't talk about them. I won't risk exposing someone's sexuality in a hostile country or accidentally revealing details that could destroy a career or endanger someone's safety.
 

I have ended my BACP membership rather than compromise client safety. Frankly, it's heartbreaking to be shafted by my own profession but my clients' wellbeing comes first.

 

My Standards Don't Change

Your confidentiality isn't negotiable, and neither are my standards. I've spent over 30 years living in countries where both suicide and LGBTQ identity were criminalised, so I understand the real-world consequences when privacy fails.

If you need therapy that genuinely respects your privacy—whatever your circumstances—let's discuss how I can help. No supervision requirements. No shared notes. No compromises on your safety.
 

And if you like these values, please do help me by spreading the word. The industry needs to know that some of us still put clients first.

“Therapy Is for Broken People. I’m Not Like That. I’m Just Fed Up.” Why successful men are trained to neglect themselves and how to get the life you deserve.

Jack runs a large team and commands a budget of $2mil. He’s super successful at work.
But when he goes home, it’s a different picture. 

“I don’t fit. The kids don’t talk to me the way they used to. My wife is more interested in her friends than me. They’ve got a good life but it’s never enough. Last year’s holiday to Kenya was fabulous but now they want to go to Bora Bora – for a month.”
“I’m fine. I’m just fed up.” 

Jack is not alright. Being miserable at home is no picnic.

When something doesn't work, fix it!

Here’s what’s interesting:
If Jack had a problem with his accounts, he’d enlist the help of an accountant.
If he had an issue with Japanese knotweed in the garden, he’d enlist a professional to deal with it.

But when he’s miserable with the part of life that really matters, his private life, he toughs it out instead of dealing with it like other everyday issues.

Why?

One of the interesting things about modern masculinity is that it can deny men agency. 
Too often the focus is on things: money, job titles, toys. 
There’s the weird stereotype that says men are not allowed to be human beings, to have emotions, to be happy, to be fulfilled. 
Maybe that’s why in the UK and the USA, male suicide rates run at three times the rate of female suicides. Source   Source

My view is that life’s for living, for joyful and meaningful relationships.

So, if you’re a Jack, you don’t need fixing. But you need space to think.

If you can do this with your friends, awesome. 

But if you want to talk in a completely private space with a person you will not come across in a meeting or party, that’s me. 

Check how I guard your privacy, read this: Looking For Therapy But Don’t Want To Tank Your IPO or High-Octane Career? Here’s What You Need To Know To Get Mental Health and Keep Your Therapy Secret 

And if you're Frustrated With Therapists Who Only Reflect Your Feelings? Try Solution-Focused Brief Therapy - it's one of my favourites. 

While situations vary, a typical plan for Jack might be to restore mental clarity and motivation by:
•    Pinpointing where life isn’t working 
•    Seeking practical steps to improve boundaries at home
•    Resetting the relationships so there’s better balance

I work with high-performing men who need a private space to think clearly and act wisely. If that’s you, message me. 

#MensMentalHealth #ExecutiveWellbeing #MaleExecutives #PrivateTherapy

Photo courtesy of Med Ahabchane from Morocco on Pixabay

Queen Bees? Try Survival Mode

You’ve heard the toxic stereotype: women at the top don’t help other women because they’re jealous. Finally, a major study has set the record straight.

In this post we break it down and show you how to spot companies that truly support equality (or how to build one yourself).

Not Queen Bees — Just Trying to Survive

Ever wonder why some senior women empower others and some don’t?

PhD student Sofie Wiersma and her team analysed the careers of 1,808 top female executives from 1,177 large companies in 42 countries. Published in May 2025, the research found:

Women who get real support early in their careers go on to support other women once they reach the top. (source)

So much for the “queen bee” myth. The truth? When organisations only allow one or two token women to succeed, women are forced into competition — not out of jealousy, but to protect their own hard-earned careers.

One World by Geralt from Pixabay

I believe this applies to everyone who is marginalised.  Most of us want to lift others up. But we need the freedom to do it without risking everything we’ve built.

So how do you find (or create) a workplace that supports everyone properly?

What Real Empowerment Looks Like

Some companies shout “diversity!” while pointing to one woman on the board and quietly shutting the rest out.

Also? Many male executives think discrimination is over. It’s not.

Demand Hard Data
Good companies track and publish gender stats — from junior roles to C-suite — including progress, setbacks, and specific goals.
See: 2022 study by Dr Michelle Ryan 

Pay and Promotion Audits Matter
Men are often promoted for potential. Women have to prove themselves first. Pay gaps also persist.

Good companies do pay audits, ensure equal pay, and publish transparent promotion criteria.
See: 2023 study led by Dr Leanne S. Son Hing 

They Understand Intersectionality
All women face bias — but age, race, class, sexuality, and more compound it.

Example: Asian women are often stereotyped as “sweet” — not great if you're a leader.

Strong companies acknowledge this and tailor interventions.
See: Meta-analysis led by Dr Andrea Tricco 

Quick Checklist: Research Before You Apply

- Read annual reports: gender stats, pay gap, and progress on goals
- Review parental leave, flexible work, and anti-discrimination policies
- Look at leadership: if the C-suite isn’t diverse, that’s a red flag
- Check Glassdoor and LinkedIn for honest employee insights
- See if their clients and suppliers reflect their stated values

That’s it for today. If you want another read, I suggest How To Be Happy At Work - When You Don’t Like Your Job