Wednesday, March 1, 2023

Is ChatGPT a good therapist?


Tom and I have been playing with the ChatGPT bot for some months now. It's a remarkable tool that mimics a human conversationalist. 

I'm a huge fan of AI and of science fiction, (I loved Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C Clarke!) and although this is not a medical tool, I was curious how good it is at figuring out common mental health issues. 

After all, there are forums like Reddit and MumsNet where people ask for advice, right? And some of that can be pretty good.

So here goes!

Setting Up The ChatGPT Test

All clients are unique but there are some quite typical first approaches that I see over and over again. For this venture I made up three very common texts that potential clients might send me. They are entirely invented but reflect real life quite well.

I have then described how I would start the first session. Finally, I have put it to ChatGPT and shared its answer.

My comments on pros and cons are at the end.

Sad brain by John Hain
Sad brain by John Hain

Meet "Client A"

I am crying a lot. I'm also misery eating. I have low energy. And I'm sleeping too much. What's wrong and how do I feel better?

Ellen's Approach

This is a simple question by a person who is familiar with mental health discussions. They talk in terms of psychological symptoms.

I would suspect low mood, possibly depression, and I would ask questions to see what was going on.

As part of my first free 15 minutes discussion I ask, "How is your overall health, has a doctor checked you over? Did you have a thyroid test?" This is because physical health and mental health are linked. Thyroids in particular can cause havoc if they're wonky. You can read more about that in this post.

Assuming the client has a clean bill of health from their doctor, we dive into the background so we get a big picture overview. 

Over about an hour, we work through a depression inventory and various discussions that include:

How are you sleeping? If you don't sleep well you become ill. If you don't sleep at all, you die. So this is hugely important. Sometimes depression comes from sleep deprivation due to construction, a partner who snores, or new baby in the family that cries at night.

What are your personal relationships like with partner, family, boss? Note: a client claiming simply, "I have a lovely relationship" doesn't cut it because abused people tend to make excuses for cruel treatment. I want details! 

Also, have you had any changes recently,  like a move, a promotion, an exam? All change is stressful, and there may be a reason someone is down, like maybe they moved jobs and are missing old friends or perhaps there's a longer commute that's upsetting them.

Have you had any shocks recently, like a minor car accident or been cheated by an internet scam? I have a stress discussion that covers 50+ common stressors. 

Once we have the big picture, we start with happiness scheduling or behavioural activation for depression, and we have a chat to see if you want to talk to a doctor about medication. If you do, I give you a list of suggested basic questions to ask

Then, in the second session, we look at bigger picture work that tackles possible triggers and we model how you can change how you work/behave/think. This is basic therapy work, the stuff you see in the films. 

I can use different techniques, Interpersonal, Adlerian, Client Centred or Existentialist. What we pick depends on the situations you face and how you think. Frankly, it's not important. We're helping you, not writing an academic paper.  

As we move along, we use the list of symptoms you're showing from session 1 to keep an eye on how you're doing.

ChatGPT's Approach

ChatGPT logo
ChatGPT

I typed in, "Can you think like a therapist and suggest a diagnosis and a therapy approach?"

Answer

Based on your symptoms, it's possible that you may be experiencing depression. Depression is a common mental health condition that can cause feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of interest in activities that you once enjoyed.

As for therapy approach, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and/or interpersonal therapy (IPT) may be helpful in addressing the negative thoughts and behaviors that are contributing to your depression. In CBT, you would work with a therapist to identify and challenge negative thoughts, and learn new skills for coping with difficult emotions. IPT focuses on improving relationships and communication skills, which can be particularly helpful if interpersonal conflicts are contributing to your depression.

It's also important to seek support from a healthcare professional, who can provide an accurate diagnosis and recommend treatment options such as medication, if necessary. Additionally, practicing self-care strategies such as mindfulness, exercise, and healthy eating habits can also be helpful in managing depression symptoms.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and there is no shame in asking for support when you are struggling

Meet "Client B"

I feel heaty. I have aches. I don't sleep right. And at work, I can't perform. What's wrong with me?

Ellen's Approach

My immediate first thought is that 'heaty' signals that this is a person who either thinks in a Chinese language, or that they come from a Chinese educational background. As I have written before, Cultural filters affect how we think about depression and anxiety. There are journal links on that at the end of the piece.

I would proceed exactly the same way as "Client A".

ChatGPT's Approach

ChatGPT logo
ChatGPT
I typed in, "Can you think like a therapist and suggest a diagnosis and a therapy approach?"

Answer

It's difficult to determine exactly what may be wrong without more information, but your symptoms could be indicative of a number of health issues. Here are a few possibilities:

Dehydration: Dehydration can lead to a feeling of being "heaty," body aches, poor sleep, and reduced performance. Be sure to drink enough fluids throughout the day, especially if you are sweating due to physical activity or warm weather.

Viral or bacterial infection: A viral or bacterial infection, such as the flu, may cause similar symptoms. If your symptoms persist, you should consult a doctor to rule out any serious illness.

Stress or anxiety: Stress or anxiety can also lead to body aches, poor sleep, and reduced performance. If you are experiencing a lot of stress at work or in your personal life, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor.

Poor sleep hygiene: Poor sleep hygiene can lead to aches, poor sleep, and reduced performance. Try to establish a consistent sleep schedule and create a relaxing bedtime routine to help improve your sleep.

Overall, it's important to take care of your physical and mental health. If your symptoms persist, it's best to consult a medical professional for further evaluation and treatment

Meet "Client C"

Information dump = upset client
Information dump = upset

I have a new job and the people don't like me. They don't ask me for lunch. In my last job I was bullied. I think I am unlikeable. I do try, I smile, I say hello, but it doesn't work. My last boss said I am abrupt. But I don't think I am. I am a friendly person. I asked them for lunch but they made excuses. I am crying a lot. I'm also misery eating. I'm upset often. Maybe I'm overthinking this. They're colleagues not friends. My work is good. I was just given a bonus. Is there something wrong with me? Should I quit?

This information dump style is super common when a person is upset. Typically something has triggered them and they come to therapy out of sheer desperation for a fix. As they can't figure out what's going on, they don't know what is pertinent information and what is not. 

The best thing is to ask a lot of questions and to get as much information as possible.

First point: don't quit! Making decisions when you're upset is seldom wise. So hold your horses while we try and figure out what's going on. If necessary, take a day's leave.

My immediate thoughts about what may be going on:
This could be a form of depression, anxiety or social anxiety, or a mix of these.

This could be a stress reaction by a person who grew up in an abusive environment. People who grow up with dysfunctional, abusive, toxic or neglectful families tend to have poor models when growing up. As a result they don't have a lot of practice at healthy or regular socialising. So when they go into the world, they can stumble.

This could be a person who is on the spectrum, so they miss social cues. 

It could be a stress reaction or even PTSD-c brought on by long-term bullying in the previous job or school or both.

The client may actually be the victim of bullying and gaslighting. So that opens up possibilities:

If this is someone coming from a group culture, it could a close-knit team being nasty to a newcomer. (It's not just criminal gangs who bully newcomers!)

It may also be sexism, racism, class or religious friction, e.g. a female Indian Hindu welder working in an all male Christian owned business in Wales. 

Or it may be a hierarchy or power play. This is very likely if the person is working in a start-up or company that is scaling up from a tiny team. I would ask about job titles here too just in case the client is HR/legal or a consultant or trainer. In companies such people can be bullied and gaslit by staff who feel threatened because they see the person as having power over them. This is especially true for women working in male dominated organisations. <- yes, patriarchy!

I'd check for lots of detail and refine ideas as we go along.

After all this, I'd make suggestions about what may be happening and ask for input from the client. Then we'd take it from there.

Therapy approaches depend on what I hear. 

If it's depression, we set about dealing with it in the same way as for Clients A and B. 

As depression and anxiety often come together, it may be both.

If you have a form of anxiety, we start with big picture stuff where we talk over the physical parts of anxiety and then the psychological parts. Then we work on helping you manage your anxiety with a mix of CBT and mindfulness and plain old distraction (a behaviour technique). 

I may teach you basic visualisation, that's relaxation without the heavy lifting of meditation.  And if your sleep is off, we talk about sleep hygiene. (I haven't written that post yet, I will! In the meantime, try this one from WebMd

Again, in the second session, we also look at bigger picture work that tackles possible triggers and we model how you can change how you work/behave/think. If the same thing happens over and over, we may use a mix of CBT and tweaks so that you have a system that works for your regular triggers.

In addition, we go for plain therapy using Interpersonal, Adlerian, Client Centred or Existentialist.

For simple life stress without depression and anxiety, we talk it out big picture style. I also talk you through some of the techniques above if we think it will be helpful to you. 

If there's bullying or abuse going on, we talk about how power and control works. We may also talk about group culture, hierarchies, sexism, and discrimination. <- yes, all that juicy stuff you're not allowed to talk about in the pub is what we talk about in sessions!

We figure out what's going on in your life and what kinds of choices you can make. This will take several sessions. We may also talk about Toxic Forgiveness and the type of bullying where 'friends' hold an 'intervention'.

If you have had a big fright or been bullied a long time, we may discuss PTSD and PTSD-c. I use a multi pronged approach to this that combines simple anxiety and depression approaches to start with, followed by talking it out.

When you're ready, we do the classic exposure ladder where you very, very slowly unlearn your fear reactions and practice newer, happier, reactions. And I also talk to you about whether you want to see a medical doctor for medication. 

Finally, if we think you're on the spectrum, that's not something I'm trained for so we'd see who you could consult to get a proper opinion.

ChatGPT's Approach

ChatGPT logo
ChatGPT
I typed in, "Can you think like a therapist and suggest a diagnosis and a therapy approach?"

Answer

It sounds like you are struggling with feelings of rejection and low self-worth at your new job. Based on your description, it's possible that you may be experiencing symptoms of social anxiety, which can manifest as fear of negative evaluation, self-consciousness, and avoidance of social situations.

As for therapy approach, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) may be helpful in addressing the negative thoughts and behaviors that are contributing to your distress. In CBT, you would work with a therapist to identify and challenge negative thoughts, and learn new skills for coping with anxiety and social situations.

In addition to therapy, it may also be helpful to seek out support from a trusted friend or family member, and to practice self-care strategies such as mindfulness, exercise, and healthy eating habits.

It's important to remember that your worth is not defined by the opinions of others, and that it's possible to improve social skills and build positive relationships over time. It may be worth discussing your concerns with a supervisor or HR representative to see if there are any workplace policies or resources available to support your social integration. And as for quitting, it's ultimately your decision, but it may be helpful to explore other options before making a final choice

Ellen vs ChatGPT; The Verdict

Clearly I'm a super duper genius and the ChatGPT is no Hal 9000. :-) Seriously,  the bot is really a sophisticated search tool that cuts and pastes information from the Internet.

HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C Clarke
HAL 9000

It did fine with Client A because that person was using very precise vocabulary in a very careful way. It wasn't so hot with Client B. That suggests the bot isn't very multicultural.

But the way it handled Client C was a bit of a mess. Also, it did not take into account an area of danger.

If Client C is being bullied and gaslit, then CBT and mindfulness will be dangerous. You should never accept or ignore maltreatment.

In addition, if it is not bullying but shyness or cross-cultural issues that's causing this, then it's important to note that HR works for the company, not the staff. 

Although HR individuals can be wonderful and helpful, I'd be careful about being open about feeling disliked. It can backfire easily.

Finally, the bot talked about self-esteem. While there may be a case to make, I agree with the positive psychology movement that self-esteem is a barometer of overall mental health rather then an end onto itself. It's a different point of view, and I suspect that the bot thinks of it in the old-fashioned Maslow way. I need to blog about this too! Coming soon, promise.

My take is that if you already know what's up, and you talk to ChatGPT in exactly the right way, it's useful. If you don't, you'll get incomplete advice. You may also miss out on a bigger view or be given a direction that is ultimately harmful. 

In conclusion, here's an apt quote from a Slate article

auto-generated content is associated with low-quality journalism, and that’s precisely what Google has tried to suppress in its search results. “Before this GPT conversation, Google was doubling down on content quality and what they call EEAT: experience, expertise, authority, and trust,” explained Lily Ray, senior SEO director at Amsive Digital and author of the SISTRIX report. “They want to know who created the content—they want to know that person’s an expert or has a lot of experience. They want to be able to trust that person—trust the brand, trust a website.”

If you want to play with ChatGPT, click here. And if you want to talk to me about your mental health, you know how to find me!

Some related journal papers: here's one about how Han Chinese talk in terms of physical symptoms compared to Europeans, and here is a discussion of typical South East Asian approaches to talking about health, including mental health.
 
Tom is an information technology and computer science academic and he is writing his own paper. I will link to that in the future.

Creating new post…

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Friday, February 24, 2023

Book Review: The Practice of Belonging


The Practice of Belonging: Six Lessons from Vibrant Communities to Combat Loneliness, Foster Diversity, and Cultivate Caring Relationships
Paperback - April 4, 2023
by Lisa Kentgen PhD

Community values and practices are always a hot topic but with the pandemic, more people than ever are talking about how we connect, where our communities work and where they don't. Finding solutions for issues is a challenge, and so I was curious to read this book.

Lisa Kentgen is a psychologist with a Ph.D. in clinical psychology who works in academia and in clinical settings. It's a wonderful combination because this book marries solid research to practical application and provides lovely insight.

This is one of the best books I've read recently. The chapter on how caring transforms on a personal and community basis alone is worth a seminar.

I loved the personal anecdotes and the reflections on dealing with differences. The first gave me a vivid impression of communities I don't know personally. The second are food for self-improvement. Also, as The Practice of Belonging covers a variety of approaches and attitudes, it is a lovely multicultural read. That was simply a joy!

As I read it, I found myself wondering how it would work in my community, in Malaysia, and at home, in the UK. For example, the chapter on hospitality talks about connecting but it's a topic that is also deeply connected to architecture, gender roles, and food security. So will need to read that again to get the most out of it.

What I liked: The simple language, broad approach plus discreet references. The combination makes for an easy read but if you want to chase down original sources, you can.

What I wasn't fond of: nothing. This was an excellent book.

Definitely five stars. Highly recommended.   



Friday, February 3, 2023

Traumatized By A Lunch Invitation? Navigating Friendships And Your Social Life After The Pandemic

The lockdowns were tough on many of us, especially the extraverts, but now the world is opening up again, dropping back into familiar habits can be surprisingly challenging.  

 I missed my friends like mad during the lockdowns, and I'm so excited at the thought of seeing them again, but on the day of the meeting, all I want to do is lock the door and curl up on the sofa.

I was pumped at going to the pub but after an hour I was totally overwhelmed. It wasn't even 7PM yet and I was only halfway down my second beer but it felt like it was 4AM after being on the toot since lunchtime.

How The Pandemic Changed Our Feelings About Socializing

All creatures, including us humans, love our habits. Regular habits make us feel comfortable and safe.

The reason for this may lie in evolution. The world is a complex and dangerous place. So we do two things: 1) we make little rules to navigate it safely and 2) we plan safe behaviours and we stick to them.

So if we were Stone Age folks we'd have a rule "all red fruit is safe and all yellow fruit is dangerous" as we walked in and out of the forest along the same path every day.

Mostly, it would work well. We'd gorge on strawberries and we'd likely be safe on the path.  But we'd miss out on bananas and mangoes and we might miss two or three other nice walks.

Sometimes, it would not work well. Hawthorne berries are red and poisonous. Also, a tiger might learn of our safe path and lie in waiting.

But mostly the system works, and so our cat, dog and we like to stick to this system.

change = stress
change = stress

Before the pandemic we were used to going out a lot. It was our habit.
At the start of the pandemic, we were stressed as that habit changed.
During the pandemic we learned a new habit: to stay at home and avoid people.
Now we're being asked to change again <- this is super stressful!

You are not crazy. You are stressed because of all the change.

In a recent 2022 UK study 2106 people aged 16 to 25, 23% reported that they felt that they would never recover from the emotional impacts of the pandemic. 

In the Netherlands, a 2023 study of 1342 people aged 18–35 and 65+ found that both groups became lonelier and had issues with weaker friendships disappearing, especially for poorer people.

Figuring Out What Is Anxiety Or Stress And What Is Simply Rethinking Your Options

Another thing the pandemic did was to force us to contemplate our lives. 

Thanks to the post pandemic reset, many people are rethinking their choices.

I used to sit in traffic for an hour and a half on the way to work, and an hour on the way back. After two years at home, I've decided I'm never doing that again.

Before the pandemic I spent every Friday night in fancy restaurants with my colleagues from work. During the pandemic I didn't miss it. Actually, I like coffee shops and going to the cinema.  

So there are two things likely to be going on: the stress of changing habits and some rethinking.

Figuring out which is which is the first step to making effective change.

Suggested step #1 consider what the pandemic taught you about your needs

For me, the pandemic taught me that I'm an introvert. I learned that I don't like socializing in groups.

My choice is to give that up. I limit my going out to one day a week. Also, like tables at restaurants, I have a pax limit 😊 My acceptable group limit is six to eight people. No more in-person conferences, and no more parties for me. I say no to all corporate events, weddings, engagements etc.

So, figure out what kind of social events you love – and which to ditch.

Suggested step #2 minimise the stress from changing habits by putting in time limits

As we've not been out and about for a few years, we tend to overdo it with socializing.

If you're packing in a two-hour lunch before drinks and dinner, you may be overloading yourself.

Also, if you attend 'timeless' events like a brunch at an all-day café, you may forget to set limits. Both overbooking and forgetting to set limits lead to overwhelm.  

Setting limits doesn't mean being less social. It's not rude, either. It's simply an efficient way of setting expectations and limits so that you can make the best of your social time.

Our social ancestors have a lot to teach us here. In the old days, etiquette set strict limits on visits. In the 1800s in the UK for example, a morning visit lasted 15 to 20 minutes. Afternoon visits were twice as long, from 30 minutes up to 45 minutes.

Also, people designated specific days when they were 'at home'. These rules allowed them to be very social but they maintained strong boundaries so they didn't burn out.

What I do is set aside one day a week for socializing, Thursdays, and one evening out. On the Thursday, I have a two-hour lunch WITH a coffee date in the morning OR a half hour voice call with a friend.

Suggested step #3 go for voice calls

Less stress = more happiness
Less stress = more happiness

Meeting up is fun but if it's traffic from hell, personal meetings pack a big stress punch. I'm a huge fan of using tech to connect.

Also, texting is okay for short messages but it's time intensive and poor for emotions/connecting.
And, video calls are tiring because you have to look at a camera – and you need to dress
😊
Suggestion: text to arrange a voice call. Also, have regular calls with good friends.

With good friends who live near you, consider having a voice call one time, meet near you the next time, meet near them the time after that.

For long distance friends, a regular long call is a delight. It can be every Monday morning, every last Saturday of the month – as long as it's regular. If setting a time limit is an issue, use Zoom and don't pay for it. It will cut you off after 40 mins.

I hope you found this useful. Thanks for reading!

Some related journal paper

Public perceptions and experiences of social distancing and social isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic: a UK-based focus group study
https://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/bmjopen/10/7/e039334.full.pdf

Beware the “loneliness gap”? Examining emerging inequalities and long-term risks of loneliness and isolation emerging from COVID-19
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1002/ajs4.223

Who is lonely in lockdown? Cross-cohort analyses of predictors of loneliness before and during the COVID-19 pandemic
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0033350620302742

Images by Square Frog and John Hain from Pixabay

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Reviews Are Killing Your Happiness. How To Build Resilience, Reduce Anxiety and Put Some Adventure Into Your Life

Online reviews can be useful for avoiding crooks but they also fuel mental health issues, including anxiety and low resilience.

If you compare living in 1980 (yes, I'm that old!) to living in 2023, there's a huge difference: there is very little spontaneity.

Too much information isn't good for your health
Too much information isn't good for your health

Deciding where to eat

1980s lunch: walk past a new place, like the look of it and go in – or your friend calls to say let's check it out

2023: Google for reviews, to see the menu, then check influencer opinion, maybe Google the owner or the chef, see if anyone you know has been and what they say – oh, and TripAdvisor

 

Picking a hotel for a week's holiday

1980: look at a travel brochure that lists a dozen or so hotels there and pick the one with the prettiest picture and a price tag you can afford.

2023: Google all hotels and airbnbs, check the different room photos, work out how far local attractions are, see what food they offer and read the top ten good reviews and the top bottom reviews on Google and TripAdvisor, then check Twitter and Insta

The Pros of Checking Online Reviews

Online reviews give us a sense of security. Reading reviews means we can predict what kind of experience we are likely to have and therefore it is easier to avoid poor experiences.  

What's great is that if you are making a big investment, like buying a car or luxury holiday, you are less likely to pick a model or destination that doesn't work for you.

hyper focus on having only joyful or positive experiences kills resilience and adventure
Hyper focus on positives has consequences
How Checking Online Reviews Impacts on Mental Health


What sucks is that we hyper focus on having only joyful or positive experiences.

We are so keen to avoid anything uncomfortable or neutral, that we become less adventurous. We actively avoid taking chances, so we end up removing potential fun and adventure out of life.

Also, it is massively time consuming. You may spend more time fixating on finding the perfect dinner or hotel than you do eating at the restaurant or spending on your holiday.

Hassan won't go to a new restaurant unless it rates a 4+ over more than fifty reviews – and misses out on the 3 star coffee shop that does noodles just the way he loves them.

Jenny spent four evenings checking for rooms with sea views before booking her long weekend break at the beach – time that she could have spent having fun

Maura checks the reviews for every coffee shop in the new mall before deciding where to meet her friends for a trip the cinema – overkill much? It's just coffee!

Bill visits new pubs recommended by influencers even though he walks past two new places on his way to work – missing out on adventure and experiences

Finally, checking reviews is really about trying to control our environment. That is poor strategy because the world is complex. We cannot predict everything, it's not possible.  

As a result, trying and failing to control our environment fuels our anxiety and reduces resilience. We are less good at navigating neutral or poor experiences. So our coping skills suffer. In addition, the false belief "If I'd googled better I would be having a 5 star time" adds to our discomfort, piling on irrational blame and guilt.

Mental Health Boost: How To Add Adventure To Your Life

Gong Xi Fa Cai! May the Year of the Rabbit bring you lots of good luck and health, prosperity and love.
Gong Xi Fa Cai!
So for the Year of the Rabbit, I suggest you embrace adventure. Introduce a bit of 1980 into your life:

·         Go to the mall and eat in the third restaurant you see.

·         Go to the cinema and see whatever is on first.

·         In a restaurant you know, try the dish you've never had before.

·         When you walk past a new place, go in.

Live a little, learn to have a good laugh at stuff that doesn't work out perfectly well.  Embrace life!

Gong Xi Fa Cai! May the Year of the Rabbit bring you lots of good luck and health, prosperity and love.



Images by Public DomainRaka C. and Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Monday, January 2, 2023

The Secret To Building New Habits. How To Train Your Brain

our brains are resistant to change
Our brains are resistant to change

It's the new year and this time we're going to get fit, read a book a week, eat healthily and…. Hang on, are you getting a sense of déjà vu?

New beginnings can inspire, but very often the impulse soon loses steam. And before you know it, all that rah-rah converts into guilt with a touch of shame as we worry we don't have enough willpower.

Here's how you can tweak a bit to help you make effective change.

We Are Designed To Resist Change

We like to think that we are powerful beings who are completely in control. As part of that story, we tell ourselves that all it takes to change a habit is to have the right mindset.

That's probably not entirely true.

The world is complex and dangerous, yet our species survives very well. One theory is that we are so fantastic at surviving because we have some inbuilt approaches that guide our thinking and behaviour.

This includes our tendency to think familiar= safe and unfamiliar=suspicious.

This works great when you're embracing your safe, familiar hunting ground on the plain and avoiding those amazing looking woods teeming with snakes.

It's not so hot when 'familiar' is snacking while watching Netflix and 'unfamiliar' is that spin class you signed up for.

Soooo, accept that building new habits isn't really about your morals or willpower; it's about overcoming millions of years of programming.

Rule #1 Dump the guilt. It's a waste of time.


Rule #2 Dump your punishment mindset

Many of us unconsciously adopt a punishment mindset. That sucks for a lot of reasons. Let me explain:

Supposing you are helping 10-year-old Suzie exercise more. If she goes for a walk three days in a row and then misses a day, would you tell her she's a lazy cow and useless?

Of course not.

If someone did call her names, what effect would that have on Suzie?

It would make her feel awful about herself and it would drain her motivation.

You wouldn't try to terrorise a kid or your friend, so treat yourself with the same kindness.

The secret to creating the right mindset for positive change is Motivate Yourself By Connecting With Your Personal Values


You're not a serial killer, right? You haven't launched genocide lately? Then you're probably a good person. Not perfect, but mostly good with a bit of gnarly here and there.

To give yourself a motivation boost, connect with your values.

For example: I'm exercising because I value my body and my health
Or, I'm exercising because feeling strong and flexible makes me happy

Rule #3 Disrupt your programming by making your brain view the new desired behaviour as more familiar.


The trick lies in keeping it SMALL and EASY.  Ideally, you tack a teeny bit of the new stuff onto a behaviour you already have and enjoy.

For example, when you like to snack in front of the TV, you do so, BUT while you're sitting down, you do ten left leg lifts and then ten right leg lifts. You do this once a night for a week.

Pro Tip: set your phone to remind you to do this. Or do it during the credits of a programme.

It's not difficult, and before you know it, you'll be exercising those legs automatically.

By February, buy a set of super cheap half kilo hand weights. Add ten lifts so you exercise your upper body.

By March, you're feeling pretty good about yourself, so you bookmark a few two-minute stretch workouts on YouTube. You do one or two a week.

Rule #4 You reinforce the behaviour you want

If you're not anxious or depressed, and you like to journal, then go ahead.

Another way is to buy a set of fridge magnets. Make a bet with yourself: for every two-minute YouTube workout you do, you move a magnet into the win area.

Seeing yourself win will give you a boost. Supercharge is by promising yourself a reward; twenty of those and you treat yourself to one of your favourite things.

Little changes add up
Little changes add up

Rule #5 Slow is successful

When you have a teeny bit of change going on, it adds up. Think of it like compound interest.

By April you should be feeling pretty fit. That's when you check out some bigger exercise project.

Don't go for a gym membership yet!  Try a short programme, something limited. Also, it has be something you love!

Maybe you want to go for a dive class. Or perhaps you sign up for ten dance lessons.

Whatever it is, you'll be a lot fitter already, so you'll have extra energy. When you go for that extra exercise, you'll enjoy it more.

And that enjoyment will have you going back. <- that is success!

Extra help: Find a supporting angel

Learning curves are slippery!  We do well and then we slide a bit and then we do well again.

As your brain will try to reset to old and familiar, it helps to have a person cheerlead when you're doing well, and to offer comfort and support when you're sliding.

That's where I come in. When you book me as a coach, we spend an hour working out a workable plan of action.

In addition, you can hire me as an accountability and support agent. We check in a few times a week for 5 minutes for encouragement and support. Basically, your very own angel.

The accountability and support service comprises of 5 ten-minute slots to be arranged at mutually agreeable times. Cost is RM200 if you're in Malaysia or US$45 if you're abroad.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share with a friend. 

Images by John Hain and Kevin Schneider from Pixabay